The Bat is finally here.

Well folks, we now live a world where Batman: Arkham Asylum has been released. And to be perfectly honest, it's really quite amazing.

It was Wednesday this week that I received a text from JB HiFi telling me that my Collector's Edition of the game has arrived and I could pick it up immediately. Somewhere (apparently in New South Wales) the street date for the game had been broken and the JB staff got a phonecall from some higher up entity saying "Put it on the shelves NOW!".

So before I run through my opinion of the game itself, let me give you a quick guide on what the Collector's Edition (also known as HOLY FUCK KICK ASS CHAMPION Edition) consists of...

The Batarang:

Forget the box behind it (it's a fake version). The Batarang at the front is exactly like mine.

Initial reports on the internet started to rail against the Collector's Edition Batarang. Bitching about things like the quality of it and the inability to remove it from its stand so you can throw it around the house. What morons. I just wanted something that looks cool on my video game shelf and that's exactly what I got. It's sturdy (feels somewhat like wood weirdly enough), about a foot long and looks cool. Some people on the internet were whinging about the thing having 'worn-in' scratches all over it like as if Batman actually used this thing in his war on crime. Honestly, the scratches on mine are hardly noticeable.

The Prequel Comic:

About the size of a postcard and consisting of 12 pages, The Road To Arkham (written by Alan Burnett and art by Carlos D'Anda) is a lead-in to the events of the game. I found it to be best read after the game is finished as it details one or two plot points that may come as a surprise. Nothing major or spoilerific, but just stuff that makes you think "Ooooooh, I see". It reads great, looks cool and is a perfect companion to the storyline of the game.

The Arkham Journal:

That's the journal in the middle. Incidentally, that box behind it is the one my edition came in.

Bigger in width and page size than the comic, this Journal details files from Arkham doctor Penelope Young (who is a semi-important character in the game) about every single inmate in the madhouse. 48 pages of every Batman villian you could think of (with more art from Carlos D'Anda), it's a nice little collection of the rogues' gallery. 

The Downloadable Codes:

After the main storyline is finished, the game offers you specialised maps so you can fuck guys up to your heart's content.

I initially thought the collector's edition only included one code for downloading a challenge map, but I ended up with two. As part of the replayability of the game, it features challenge maps which you can either become the 'invisible predator' in a room full of thugs or other maps where you simply punch the fuck out of wave after wave of dudes. Racking up scores is what these maps are for, but also so you can unlock more stuff in the game. And also Achievements. Sweet, sweet Achievements. The two codes in the Collector's Edition are for the 'Villian' map and a map based on Crime Alley, which is where Bruce Wayne's parents were killed. Both maps are not in the retail game and I have no idea if they will be. Perhaps they will be the downloadable content that's apparently coming for the game. Who knows?

The Behind The Scenes DVD:

I couldn't find an appropriate picture for the bonus DVD, so here's a shot of Batman kicking a dude in the face. Which you totally can do in the game.

Pretty standard stuff here. Five chapters that are about ten minutes in length of the developers, composers and others talking about how awesome the game is. One bonus out of this is I finally discovered what Kevin Conroy looks like.

The Actual Game Itself:

To be honest, there probably doesn't need to be another Batman game after this one. Because Batman: Arkham Asylum is literally shocking in how faithful it is to every possible desire you could have for a video game based on Batman. I'm still reeling from how Batman games went from always being total garbage to one game completely turning that around in one shot and saying "You want it, here it is.". Because that's what Rocksteady Studios have done here. They've made the best Batman game you could ever hope for. Even besides that, it's not just a great Batman game, but a great game overall. The variety in gameplay, the environments, sound design, graphics, voice acting and writing is all top shelf. It just so happens that all those ingredients are made even sweeter by it being a Batman game. You wanna fire your grapple gun to an insanely high ledge? Check. You wanna prey on thugs and make them scared out of their minds? Check. Glide on your cape? Use a batcave? Talk to Oracle? Punch the fuck out of groups of thugs? Check, check, check and CHECK.

I could talk all day about the quality of the game, but fuck that - I'd rather be playing it. I'll just sum up by saying I am immensely satisfied with the collector's edition and the game itself is surprisingly terrific. Even I didn't think it would be as lovingly crafted as it is. And considering the amount of pre-release hype kind of shit I've  talked about this game, that's certainly saying something.

Oh, I almost forgot. I finished the game last night and Ryan, you owe me 20 bucks.

A brief interlude...

Can't...blog...too...busy

Will...return...shortly...Batman...out...playing...Batman...

Here...picture...look...awesome...

The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil's own satanic herd.

It was Edmund Blackadder who uttered those words but even in medieval England, I'm sure he didn't have problems not as nearly as inconvenient as I do.

Batman: Arkham Asylum didn't come out today.

Regardless of common sense, worldwide release dates and my own bleating - Australia is still behind the rest of the world. Once again. They're sticking to the 3rd of September. One store has claimed to have broken the street date though. The picture below is apparently from a Gametraders in Western Australia...

Hmmm...

Whatever. If any broken street dates are going to have any effect, it will have to be next week. Bastards.

On the positive side of things, I pre-ordered the collector's edition of the game. That's right - fuck it, I want the whole kit and caboodle. So, does that make me a sucker? To not only be shafted, and then outlay extra cash for the privilege? Perhaps. We'll see next week. Goddammit.

That batarang better be fucking sweet.

Universal acclaim for Batman: Arkham Asylum.

The game is finally released in Australia this Friday and the reviews are in...

Eurogamer: "it's the best superhero game, bar none."

1UP: "many of the mechanics turn Batman: Arkham Asylum into a bona fide "Batman Simulator,""

IGN: "The greatest comic book videogame of all time. "

Strategy Informer: "Truly this is the Batman game that everybody’s been waiting for."

Games Master UK: "Simply put, Batman: Arkham Asylum is a masterpiece."

So I guess that seals it. Unless you're as batshit crazy as the Joker, you'll no doubt be joining me in picking up the game this Friday. 

"Well done, Jim. We're officially awesome."

Batman's final hurdle = Australia.

The game is mere weeks away, but Batman: Arkham Asylum is not here just yet. As close as we are to skulking around in the cape and cowl, some last-minutes hiccups have become evident.

Australian game retailers have, for some unknown reason, have the game listed as being released on the 3rd September. As opposed to the August 28 date that is actually listed as the date it is supposed to be released. The US date is August 25 and the European date is August 28. Atari, who is distributing the game in Australia, have the same date as Europe - August 28. So I'm not entirely sure what retailers are playing at. True, a lot of big games mysteriously break their release dates and end up on the shelves a few days early but it's still baffling.

"Fuck you, game retailers!"

In addition to this bullshit, it looks as if the price will be on the brutal side of harsh. Now, just to prefix this, the last game I paid over 100 dollars for a game was Assassin's Creed. And that was the last time I got burned (I spit on you, EB Games). I have since made a vow never to pay over $100 for a game again. But it seems retailers have cottoned on the pre-release buzz for this game. Check this out...

EB Games - 3/9/09 -  $119.95 

http://www.ebgames.com.au/xbox/product.cfm?id=13890&refer=productsearch 

JB Hifi - 3/9/09 - $110.98

http://www.jbhifionline.com.au/game/xbox-360/batman-arkham-asylum/422874

Big W - 3/9/09 - $115.50

http://www.bigwentertainment.com.au/product/batman_arkham_asylum_3846975_1755480.html

Gametraders - 3/9/09 - No price available

http://www.gametraders.com.au/#game?ID=27425

Dick Smith - 12/6/09 - $10.00 (check out Dick Smith's listing at the link below which is really confusing. Huh?)

http://www.dse.com.au/cgibin/dse.storefront/4a8939f00e231f32273fc0a87e010678/Product/View/YG5959PRE

Games Warehouse - 3/9/09 - $109.95

http://www.gameswarehouse.com.au/longpage.asp?gameid=17210

Ready for your wallet to be raped? In order to have to the privilege of buying the game in a shop and getting it a week later than the rest of the world, you'll have to be.

"I said, FUCK YOU! GAME RETAILERS!"

But because Preparations For Birth is awesome and helpful, here's a couple of options. Australian retailer GAME have the shitty release date of 3/9/09 but a web-only price of $99.00. Pretty reasonable in light of everyone else.

http://www.game.com.au/showtitle?code=BATAA360

Also, UK retailer Sendit.com has an even better deal. They have the game listed at $79 Australian dollars but since the game is released on a Friday and their shipping takes 5-10 working days, you may not get it for a couple of weeks.

http://www.sendit.com/sendit/10035800.product

So, I guess you'll have to decide what's important. Getting hold of the game immediately (well almost) or waiting a little while to save 20 bucks. I'm not entirely sure myself.

"No, seriously game retailers, FUCK! YOU! How can you sleep at night knowing you're charging these prices for a game that is coming out a week late! Do you actually kiss your children with the same mouth that you deliver this evil upon your customers? And don't try and push that bullshit pre-order unlockable armor on me either, EB Games! You are not getting your filthy fucking claws into me ever again! Nyyaaaarrrggghhh!!!!"

UPDATE - In the space of 24 hours, JB Hifi have dropped their price from $110.98 to $99.00. When I rang the store to confirm, they did indeed tell me $99. I also decided to test something and straight out asked "So that's coming out on August 28th?". The clerk checked and then told me "Yes."

The plot thickens....

Early impressions of...Batman: Arkham Asylum.

Last night saw the release of the official demo for Batman: Arkham Asylum on Xbox 360 and PS3 (the demo for PC version is coming later apparently). And the short answer is: Hand over the full game NOW. I've just played through the demo twice and first impressions all point to success. Weighing in at about 1.5GB, the demo takes an eternity to download but it is well worth it. 

Pictured: 1.5GB of AWESOME.

The demo covers what appears to be the early introductory stage of the game with Batman (THAT'S YOU YEAH YOU PLAY AS THE FUCKING BATMAN) transporting Joker back to Arkham after yet another escape only to discover that Clown Prince of Crime has organised his own welcoming party. With the help of Harley Quinn, shit goes down.

The combat feels great. I lined up against a bunch of thugs and they never stood a chance. True, they hit me in the face a couple of times but action triggers an equal and opposite reaction and that reaction was to punch the fuck out of a whole bunch of thugs.While only very basic moves were evident in the demo, they were damn fun to control. Some punk tries to creep up behind me and I can counter their attack by pressing the Y button at a specific time and it's time for some broken bones. Right from the start, the feeling of 'being Batman' is really apparent.

See that dude trying to sneak up behind me? He's about to take a dirt nap.

Another major aspect of Batman's arsenal is Detective Mode. Tap the Left Bumper button and Batman's cowl enters a scan-vision type scenario. Information on the surroundings is shown in detail and the enemies' heat signature becomes clear through walls. Complete with a heart BPM indicator to show how scared out of their minds they are. The voice acting is solid. Mark Hamill and Kevin Conroy are expectedly awesome as the Joker and Batman. Hamill can still laugh maniacally like nothing else on earth.

One of the most exciting sections of the demo was an encounter with Victor Zsasz who, after escaping from his cell, took a guard hostage. I told the other guards to chill out and took him down. Jumping down from a gargoyle in the ceiling, I glided on my cape, kicked him in the head and knocked him out cold. As Zsasz was face down on the cement, I punched him in the back of the head. Just to be sure. And to top it all off, Batman turned to the guards and said...

"Take this animal back to his cell!"

Oh hell yes. 

Batman: Arkham Asylum is out on August 28th. I'll be there front and centre.

Batman lands in August. Finally.

AUGUST 28TH Y'ALL!

That's right, after months of speculation and delays it looks as if the end of August will be when Batman: Arkham Asylum finally ships in Australia. Publisher Eidos revealed that North America will get the game on August 25th and Europe on August 28th. Atari are distributing the game in our great brown land and confirmed that the European date will be the same as ours.

So rejoice! Celebrate! Get ready to punch the fuck out of dudes while vowing on the grave of your parents to rid the city of the evil that took their lives! Woooo!

In addition to a release date, there's been yet another trailer released (I think that makes about 10,483 so far) and it just keeps looking better.

There's also been some interesting new screenshots of a few foes. 

Harley Quinn, seconds before getting the fuck punched out of her.

God knows what Joker is doing to this guard.

Here's the first shot I've seen of Mr Zsasz. Scars intact.

No, I still have no idea.

It's July already and we still have no official release date for Batman: Arkham Asylum in Australia. Well, no reliable date anyway.

Eidos, developers of the game, have announced that the US release date will be August 25th and the European date is August 28th. But no definite word on when the game will reach our shores. To make matters worse, game stores in Australia are a dog's breakfast when it comes to consistent dates. Some say 3rd of September, others say the game is already out. Anger level, rising.

Anyway to tide us over yet again, there's another trailer out there. Talking to some of the developers and LEGENDARY WRITER PAUL DINI WHO IS WRITING THE DAMN GAME, the video sets out the game to be Batman's worst nightmare. Sounds good to me folks.

OH SNAP! The most incredible things to come out of E3.

Ladies and gents, the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) is over! And whoa mama, some shit went down! Let's get to it!

OH SNAP! Commander Shepard is one pissed-off motherfucker.

Did you see that? Shepard ain't messing around. Bigger guns, smoother gameplay and a darker mission structure are all shaping up to create a better sequel to Bioware's 2007 masterpiece. Add in new enemies, an assassin named Thane and two new companions by the name of Jacob and Miranda.

Release date: Between January and March 2010.

OH SNAP! Alan Wake actually exists.

Well it's a game alright. The tale of a horror writer searching for his wife in a mountain town looks great and has been given a release date. It's only been in development for five years so, hopefully it will be...oh, I don't know...THE GREATEST THING IN HUMAN EXISTENCE.

Release date: Spring (US) 2010.

OH SNAP! Splinter Cell looks actually interesting again.

The last Splinter Cell game, Double Agent, was slightly disappointing and since then, I had lost faith in the Splinter Cell series. But Splinter Cell Conviction looks really intriguing. Sam Fisher is on a revenge mission and he is A) good at kneeing dudes in the face and B) still voiced by Michael Ironside. Oh yes. The video below is the CG trailer followed by E3 gameplay.

Release date: October 2009

OH SNAP! Modern Warfare 2 looks on track to be expectedly awesome.

Fighting terrorists in snow. And the terrorists have snowmobiles. Check this out.

Release Date: November 2009

OH SNAP! Project Natal is possibly the future.

Well, Microsoft surprised everyone by busting out their motion controller but even more so, the future applications for it. Watch the video and decide for yourself.

Release Date: 2010 maybe.

Oh by the way, Batman Arkham Asylum is out on 25th August. For realz this time. OH SNAP!

Hey clown-face dude. Just wait there for a month or two and I'll be back to punch the fuck out of you.

OH SNAP! Part Two.

In the past few years, the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) has dwindled on the world stage. Once, the show that commanded crowds upward of 70,000 has been scaled back in recent years to accommodate more of the dedicated gaming press and less of the 'Wooo! Rad!' MTV-type arseholes. Apparently.

This year's show has generated a lot of buzz in the last few months and as such, people are expecting a lot of big announcements from the Los Angeles Convention Centre. The kind that make your head explode with awesomeness reminiscent of that dude from Scanners.

"Oh my God! Gameplay footage for ALAN WAKE? BOOM!"

Two games that will no doubt will turn the LA Convention Centre into a brain-painted bloodbath are as follows.

OH SNAP! Modern Warfare 2 goes to Rio, de Janeiro.

The NBA finals finally spat out one of the most anticipated trailers of the year. Bristling with all new locales, shady people and awesome face-stabbing, make sure to hold on to your hats for this one.

NOVEMBERNOVEMBERNOVEMBEROHYESNOVEMBER.

OH SNAP! Batman can grab plants out of the air like a badass.

Dr. Pamela Isley has finally made an appearance in a new trailer for Batman: Arkham Asylum. While the trailer itself isn't all that amazing (Poison Ivy can control plants and stuff), what really sticks out from every piece of media leading up to this game is just how pissed-off Bruce Wayne seems to be. It certainly looks as if he ain't messing around.

To be honest, there's good news and bad news when it comes to E3. The good news is they is going to be an incredible amount of great games being shown. I'll try my best to cover all of them in the coming days. But here's the bad news. Pretty much all of these games are coming out in the fourth quarter of 2009 (known in the business as 'Q4'). So unless, you're some uber-rich nutcase with a crazy amount of time on your hands, you'll be lining up these purchases on your calendar for quite some time.

Going bat-shit crazy yet?

Yet another trailer has been released for Batman: Arkham Asylum (I think that makes six or seven) and naturally, Preparations For Birth will report it. But the more pressing issue seems to be the Australian release date. Since Eidos and Rocksteady delayed it to 'late summer', an actual day and date had been hard to pin down. I've done a bit of research so let's go through the list:

The game's official website (http://www.batmanarkhamasylum.com) - Has nothing. Either the release date is not there or hidden somewhere in the forums. And I'm not shovelling through that shit.

EB Games Australia (http://www.ebgames.com.au)  - These bastards can never be trusted but their list has TBC 2009. So add ignorance to sleaziness and BOOM, you have Australia's biggest game retailer.

GAME (http://www.game.com.au) - Relatively new weirdo retailer GAME (always all caps) had the game listed as 30th June 2009. Starting to get a little confused here, huh?

Gametraders (http://www.gametraders.com.au/#game?ID=29954) - These guys have the game listed at a much earlier date of 1st June 2009. That's like, a couple of weeks away folks.

EB Games New Zealand (http://www.ebgames.co.nz) - In Middle Earth, things are a little more pessimistic. They have the game coming out on the 30th August 2009.

To summarize, what the fucking holy hell is going on? What exactly is 'late summer' anyway? That's the American summer, mind you, so who knows when that ends. Maybe it ends when they shoot it dead and then mount it above their televisions. I don't know.

Another thing to take note of is the collector's edition. In addition to a copy of the game for either Xbox 360 or PS3, you also get:

Waynetech Batarang Storage Box

14" In-Game Design Batarang (stand attached).

Dr. Young’s Journal (50 page full color character encyclopedia)

2 Sleeve DIGI-Pack Including:

- Game

- Behind the scenes 5 chapter series DVD, including: interviews with Mark Hammil    and Kevin Conroy.

Exclusive Collector’s Edition Challenge Map DLC.

Manual.

And it's 150 fucking dollars.

This game is shaping up to be the next big purchase on the games calendar. It will probably have a big presence at the Los Angeles E3 Expo in June, so we will probably have to wait until then to get confirmation of anything. If the game isn't already out by then.

Was there something else? Uh,...I don't think...oh right! The new trailer! Sorry. It's a walkthrough of how the 'free-flow' combat is going to work in the game, again narrated by game director Sefton Hill. And again, it is mind-bendingly awesome-looking. Enjoy.

Batman vs The Witcher (Batman wins)

Back in December, I reported on the RPG game The Witcher: Rise Of The White Wolf being in development.

For those who care, check it out: 

http://preparations4birth.blogspot.com/2008/12/4-more-awesome-upcoming-games-nobody.html

Unfortunately, the game's been cancelled. Well, 'suspended', according to the developers CD Projekt. Apparently the staff working on the game haven't been paid in about three months and as a result, the game has been 'put on hold', which basically means we'll never see it again.

"Have at you, developer wage entitlements!"

It's a shame. The original PC version is critically acclaimed like nothing else on the planet and the console port was shaping up to look exciting.

Now, for the other news. Batman: Arkham Asylum has been delayed. Before you blast your fist through the fucking internet, it looks to be only for about a month or two. Warner Bros Interactive and Eidos issued a joint statement that stated the game would be pushed back from the original late June release date to the 'end of summer'. Now that's the US summer of course, so here in Australia - maybe August. I'll keep a close eye on this story but the official press release said the cause of the delay was 'to ensure Batman: Arkham Asylum is of the highest quality for gamers'.

Fair enough I guess. Still annoying though, considering the potential awesomeness for this game.

"Jim, I've got to get in there and stop Joker's reign of terror!" "Just chill Bats, we've got a month or two yet."

Batman:Arkham Asylum update #481

Yet another trailer has emerged for Batman: Arkham Asylum and it continues the awesome level of excitement that seems to be building for this release. The new trailer features more of the combat featured in the game by showing us just how Batman can punch the fuck out of dudes. 

Please take note of two things in this trailer below.

1. The cool way Batman's cape flows while fighting.

2. The amazingly canonical exchange between Bane and Batman at the end. Comic book geeks - prepare to punch the air with glee. I know I did. Well, not physically. In my mind. There was a little version of me in my mind that punched...look whatever, just watch the fucking thing.

June 19th (or 23rd) can't come quick enough, am I right?

UPDATE UPDATE: Oh shit. There's a rumour flying around that the game may be delayed. Apparently 'sources close to the game' spoke to the gaming magazine Game Informer and are starting to suggest it may be pushed back until the 'end of summer'. It's just a rumour at this point, a fucking horrible one, but a rumour nonetheless. I'll be keeping an eye on things.

This version of Batman will never look this good again.

Well, things seem to be shaping up amazingly well for the release of Batman: Arkham Asylum for PC, Xbox 360 and PS3. Rocksteady's dip into the legendary waters of this 70-year-old character is looking better and better. As previously reported on Preparations For Birth, the plot goes something like this:

- Batman brings Joker to Arkham

- Joker escapes and lets all the freaks loose

- Batman has to deal with said freaks

- Batman then presumably punches the fuck out of Joker

Simple, yet genius. The first real meaty look at the game came a little while back at the Game Developer's Conference in San Francisco that took place in March. One of the game directors walks us through the 'Invisible Predator' gameplay of the game. Basically, that means what Batman can see and how he can punch the fuck out of it. For those of you who may have missed it, look below. For those of you who have seen it, check this out anyway because this is the better, extended cut of the video...

Pretty sweet huh? So, do you want this game like right now this second? I'll bet. But wait, there's more. Over the last week or so, they've released a couple of villian trailers which are very interesting. The first features Bane. This guy is rather important in the Batman universe as A) he is one of the smartest and cunning villians ever, and B) he broke Batman's back in the early nineties. Whether we will see Batman's spine twinge in the game when they meet is something we'll have to wait for. In the meantime, check it...

Also loose in the madhouse is Joker's on-again off-again insane girlfriend Harley Quinn. I've never totally been convinced by this character but I can see potential here. She's mad as a cut snake and hopefully that will amount to some disturbing shit rather than a lot of pointless giggling. According to this trailer, it looks like the former...

June, if you're wondering. I cannot confirm the exact date (some say the 19th, others say the 23rd) but mid-year is definitely the time this game is set to hit the shelves.

But holy shit, does this game look the goods. I have no choice in the matter - I am forced to get my hopes up. If this game fails, then so be it. But the thing you have to remember is, there will be no Batman game that looks this good prior to release ever again. Keep that in mind folks. Keep it in mind while we wait for this potential masterpiece. See, there goes those high hopes again. What a naive fool I am. I swear, Eidos and Rocksteady, that if you fail me you will rue this day. I will...I'll...well I don't know exactly. If the game sucks I'll probably dress up as Batman and sit outside your house. Failing that, a stern email will sent. That's right, you heard me! EMAIL!

Behold my new god.

Batman + video games = awesome?

One of the first games I ever owned was Batman: Caped Crusader for the Commodore 64. It was an odd little game, placing you in control of Batman and going up against such villians as the Penguin and Joker.

Batman is punching the Penguin in the fucking throat. Every young child's dream.

At the time (the late 80s), it was incredible. Looking back though, the game was a turd. Crap combat and controls, shitty graphics and next to nothing in terms of story. But when you are 12 years old, none of that matters. 

Years later, I was still searching for a Batman video game experience. The Nintendo Gamecube came close, with Batman: Vengeance, based on the animated series.

Batman is about to punch this dude in the face. Hey, he knew the risks when he was hired by a guy with green hair.

It was pretty good. Lots of entertaining sections filled with action-packed moments. Jumping away from explosions, driving in the Batmobile and plenty of gadgets. But still, things weren't perfect. Something just wasn't...right. 

Ever since the dark knight entered the world of video games, there has been garbage. Naturally, everything based on any of the films has been shithouse so there's no respite in that department. I'd pretty much given up hope on being able to control Batman's actions in any fulfilling fashion.

Until now.

CHECK. THIS. OUT.

Yeah.

Did you see that shit? Huh? Huh?

Now, I've discussed this game a little on this blog before. But thanks to this trailer, Batman: Arkham Asylum has shot to the top of my wishlist for 2009. And those of you with a keen ear may have recognised the voices in that trailer. Mark Hamill is back as the Clown Prince Of Crime and more importantly, the most fucking awesome Batman voice of all time, Kevin Conroy is lending his talents to this game.

As you can probably tell, I'm looking forward to this one. It looks to have a variety of combat and sneaking which is fine by me. As long as I get to punch the bejesus out of dudes while vowing on the grave of my parents to rid the city of the evil that took their lives.

Fuck yeah.

4 awesome upcoming games that nobody seems to know about.

If you even have the slightest interest in video games, you'll no doubt be aware of the barrage of high profile releases at the moment (Gears of War 2, Fallout 3, Little Big Planet) and in the near future (Streetfighter IV, Prince of Persia). And if you're like me, your attitude is something like "Okay, I'll slog through Gears and then the 100+ hours of Fallout and then start building my Little Big Planet levels...".

All great but predictable.

Here now are some hidden gems to be released soon (ish). To which your reaction will probably be more along the lines of "HOLY JESUS HERE TAKE MY FIRST BORN SON AND GIMME THEM SHITS RIGHT NOW!"

1) HEAVY RAIN (PS3)

Introducing the first video game character that somehow doesn't have the dead lifeless eyes of a mannequin.

.

Split up between four different characters, French studio Quantic Dream's PS3 exclusive seems to shaping up to be incredible. Aside from the face-melting visuals, Heavy Rain looks to be a breath of fresh air in the current slew of go-here-shoot-this-dude games. It's a mystery. And a thriller. And an investigative story. And disturbing as fuck.

From what has been released so far, one of the characters is Madison (pictured above) who takes time out from riding her motorbike on wet streets (made wet by HEAVY RAIN, yeah) to investigate a two storey house with nothing but a camera and her wits. She finds some pretty disturbing shit on the upstairs floor. Then things start to go pear-shaped when the owner of house returns home...

You can just tell this dude is one sick bastard.

Still not sure? Fine, well take a look at this 20 minute tech demo from this year's E3 and then come talk to me. http://www.gametrailers.com/player/usermovies/284828.html

Release date: Early 2009

2. BATMAN: ARKHAM ASYLUM (Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

I made a vow on the grave of my parents blah, blah, blah...

Colour me cautiously excited about this one. All previous Batman games have been rubbish with the possible exception of Batman: Vengeance. That said, Vengeance was based on the animated series. I've been waiting for a darker, more mature Batman adventure and it looks like my wait may be over. Batman: Arkham Asylum (not based on the Grant Morrison comic) is a third-person action adventure title that (so far) features a shitload of CSI-style investigation, combat and potentially awesome moments.

As far as the story is concerned, the Joker starts some shit at the Gotham City nuthouse that somehow snowballs into a full-scale riot. And you (as Batman, yes you) have to come in and save the day. Did I mention that Arkham happens to be at full capacity when the Joker pulls this shit? Filled with people like Scarecrow, Mr Zsasz and Mr Freeze? And did I also mention you get to play as fucking Batman?

When there's a game where the Joker looks like this...

...and Killer Croc looks like this...

...then yes, sign me the fuck up.

Release date: Sometime in 2009

3) ALIENS: COLONIAL MARINES (Xbox 360, PS3, PC)

Look at that! In the bottom left corner! Yeah that thing! There's no heads-up display, just that! THE FUCKING THING FROM THE MOVIE!

While there has been semi-successful games based on the Alien franchise, there's always been something extra thrown in (Predators etc) to appeal to a different fanbase. On the other hand, there has also been massive missteps in this area. The first game I ever bought for the Sega Megadrive was Alien3 and it had one slight difference from the film: GUNS!

Nobody has perfectly captured the dread/balls-out action of James Cameron's 1986 masterpiece. Aliens: Colonial Marines has been on the cards since 2001 so heavy delays have dulled the excitement somewhat. Until this year, when some fresh shots of it were released.

They seem to now be in some real pretty shit...man.

In the game, you lead a four-man squad (each of which you can control) to investigate the USS Sulaco. The game is set after Alien 3 so Ripley's automated shuttle has long since departed from the mothership. But the Aliens haven't. Word on the street is there will be facehuggers, drones, warriors and the Queen. I guess that's a different Queen from the one that ripped Bishop in half.

Specific desires for this game:

- Hudson is alive and voiced by Bill Paxton.

- A conversation option where you can tell Hudson that you're 'sick of his bullshit'.

- Hidden unlockable weapons from Hudson's list (sharp sticks, sonic electronic ballbreakers etc).

Release date: Again, sometime in 2009.

4) ALAN WAKE (Xbox 360, PC)

A gun. A torch. A tweed jacket. What more do you want?

In another tale of massive delays, the developers responsible for the Max Payne series have whetted the appetite of horror fans with a guy named...Alan. A horror writer whose fiance has disappeared, Alan Wake begins to suffer from insomnia and travels to Bright Falls, Washington for treatment at a local clinic. Only then can he sleep. Trouble is, all he sees are nightmares. Nightmares that are starting to seep into reality (INSERT VIOLIN-BASED SPOOKY MUSIC).

"Well, there's your problem pal. You're trying to drive this car while enduring an horrific living nightmare."

Alan Wake was starting to lose its focus because of its constantly-pushed-back release date cluminating in an infamous quote from a developer stating it will be released "when it's done". People were starting to lose hope in ever seeing this potentially brilliant game ever see the light of day. Then the developers released an awesome trailer. You can find it on their equally awesome brand new website: http://www.alanwake.com/

Fuck yes.

Release date: Sometime in our lifetime (maybe 2009).

DISCLAIMER: If any of these games turn out to be garbage, I hereby invoke my hypocritical power to slag them off at any opportunity in the future.

How to teach your child about Batman

With the imminent release of another Batman film at the cinemas, a lot of folk seem to be paying a little more attention to the caped crusader. Granted, most of those people are still mystified why the word BLAP! doesn't appear on screen when Batman punches someone's head in.

Time to brush away your ignorance once and for all, you thick dullard. If you're still sitting there saying to yourself, "What happened to that mincing teenage boy that used to hang around Batman? He was funny. By the way, I ain't no homo.", then you've come to right place. Your child should be introduced to Batman the correct way. Not the wrong way, the way most of the human race was introduced to him.

First things first

Now, naturally your child will gravitate towards Batman for entertainment. He's fun, tough and he dresses up like a bat and beats the fuck out of ne'er-do-well types. Awesome right? Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. You may think that any old introduction to the imposing cape & cowl will do. Wrong. You can't just point to a crappy $15 dollar action figure in your local supermarket and say "That's Batman." The child will automatically think "Lame." and move on to Hanna Montana or something.

Here now is a step by step guide on what, how & why your pre-pubescent child should be exposed to this legendary 79-year old vigilante.

A SOMBRE BEGINNING...

Comics are where Batman started, and so should you. For your child, who preferably knows absolutely nothing at this stage, the best introduction is the simplest. Namely this:

BATMAN: YEAR ONE (COMIC)

Date: 1987

Spanning four issues, Frank Miller and David Mazzucchelli's Year One covers all the basics and delivers all the information to the child in a tight, crisp and punchy narrative that should be nice and easy on their senses. It's available in one complete trade paperback pretty much everywhere nowadays, so getting hold of it shouldn't a problem.

It tells the tale of how Batman became Batman, which is a natural place to start. Obviously, Batman started in 1939's Detective Comics but there's two major problems with you child reading that comic:

1) It's as rare as hens eggs and expensive as fuck.

2) Convincing your child to read an eight decade old comic will be like trying to climb Mt Everest with a blindfold over your eyes. Which is on fire.

If you want to try and track it down anyway, then by all means go for it. But I'm trying to make this easy as possible for you.

Year One (pictured above) details the death of Bruce Wayne's parents, the introduction of James Gordon, the decaying crime-ridden filth pit that is Gotham City and generally ticks all the boxes for your child when it comes to meeting Batman for the first time. Frankly, it's brilliant. It rules so hard that if you ever met it in a dark alley somewhere it would kick your arse, steal your wallet and then go burn your house down.

BATMAN: THE ANIMATED SERIES (TV SHOW)

Date: 1992-1995

Based on the striking art-deco images of producer Bruce Timm, Batman: The Animated Series is perfect for younger audiences. Now, I don't mean perfect as in you can plonk them down in front of it and all the pretty colours will distract while you piss off down the pub to put their education funds into the gaping maw of a poker machine.

I mean, it's perfect because it doesn't treat the child like a fool. It's scripts are as tight as a snare drum and portrays its characters with respect. Gotham City is an artist's paradise in this show, combing 1940s era automobiles and architecture with 21st century intelligence. The stories are engaging, fun and always centred on a telling a tale with purpose. Your child will drink it in like morphine-laced breast milk.

You may get a few questions from the child as you sit down with them to watch Season 1 (which you should stick to just for now). Such as "Who's Robin?", "Who are all these looney bad guys?" and "Why does the voice of Batman, Kevin Conroy, sound so fucking awesome?". Well, tell the child to just chill and enjoy the ride. Everything will be explained in due time.