OH SNAP! Part One.

For those of you who regularly read this blog (hey dude, I'm going to call you this weekend), you'd no doubt realise it has evolved somewhat. While I've skewed into talking about video games, it's never really been a news site. Just a place for my mind to pour out on the subject of something awesome like video games.

Well, fuck that! Over the next few weeks, exciting video game news will be spewing forth from the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) in Los Angeles taking place from June 2-4 and I cannot help but report on some of the happenings from this event. Because mark my words, there are going to be some jump-up-and-down type stuff coming out of it. And I'm so damn excited I will not be able to restrain myself.

These posts reporting on these news stories will be part of my OH SNAP! series of stories. Mainly because it's a catchy title and the upcoming announcements will most likely make you want to yell OH SNAP! Okay, I will be the only one saying OH SNAP! but if anyone wants to join me in an OH SNAP! then that would be fine. So that works, huh?

Already there has been some rumours and speculation flying around. Some true, some implied. Let's get a handle on the first round of snaps...

OH SNAP! Mass Effect 2 will be the Empire Strikes Back of the series.

Bioware producer Casey Hudson talked recently about the sequel to the best space-opera-RPG-ever-made which is scheduled to make a major appearance at E3. As it turns out, shit is going to go down. "As a trilogy we have our three acts. So Mass Effect 2 is the dark act. It's an opportunity to really explore the tougher, more brutal parts of the universe." In addition, Hudson teased at the complete story arc for the series..."In the first act you put a guy in the tree, in the second act you throw rocks at him, in the third act you get him down."  Hmm, take from that what you want. Also, there's been a video released explaining a few things and preluding what they will be showing at E3. Check it...

OH SNAP! Secret Of Monkey Island could be coming to Xbox Live Arcade.

Holy Christ, you didn't see this one coming did you? Legendary 1990 point-and-click adventure Secret Of Monkey Island  has long been called for to be readily available for the mass public of 2009. And even though bringing it to Microsoft's download service was always a pipe dream of mine (seeing that classic stuff on HDTV and all that), I never thought in a billion years Lucasarts would ever do it. Now, it's leaning to towards actually happening. A listing for SECRET OF MONKEY ISLAND SPECIAL EDITION FOR XBOX 360 has been found on the German Ratings Board, which is apparently a reliable source. But if we'll find out any more information, it will be closer to June.

Stay tuned to here for further snaps, kids...

Going bat-shit crazy yet?

Yet another trailer has been released for Batman: Arkham Asylum (I think that makes six or seven) and naturally, Preparations For Birth will report it. But the more pressing issue seems to be the Australian release date. Since Eidos and Rocksteady delayed it to 'late summer', an actual day and date had been hard to pin down. I've done a bit of research so let's go through the list:

The game's official website (http://www.batmanarkhamasylum.com) - Has nothing. Either the release date is not there or hidden somewhere in the forums. And I'm not shovelling through that shit.

EB Games Australia (http://www.ebgames.com.au)  - These bastards can never be trusted but their list has TBC 2009. So add ignorance to sleaziness and BOOM, you have Australia's biggest game retailer.

GAME (http://www.game.com.au) - Relatively new weirdo retailer GAME (always all caps) had the game listed as 30th June 2009. Starting to get a little confused here, huh?

Gametraders (http://www.gametraders.com.au/#game?ID=29954) - These guys have the game listed at a much earlier date of 1st June 2009. That's like, a couple of weeks away folks.

EB Games New Zealand (http://www.ebgames.co.nz) - In Middle Earth, things are a little more pessimistic. They have the game coming out on the 30th August 2009.

To summarize, what the fucking holy hell is going on? What exactly is 'late summer' anyway? That's the American summer, mind you, so who knows when that ends. Maybe it ends when they shoot it dead and then mount it above their televisions. I don't know.

Another thing to take note of is the collector's edition. In addition to a copy of the game for either Xbox 360 or PS3, you also get:

Waynetech Batarang Storage Box

14" In-Game Design Batarang (stand attached).

Dr. Young’s Journal (50 page full color character encyclopedia)

2 Sleeve DIGI-Pack Including:

- Game

- Behind the scenes 5 chapter series DVD, including: interviews with Mark Hammil    and Kevin Conroy.

Exclusive Collector’s Edition Challenge Map DLC.

Manual.

And it's 150 fucking dollars.

This game is shaping up to be the next big purchase on the games calendar. It will probably have a big presence at the Los Angeles E3 Expo in June, so we will probably have to wait until then to get confirmation of anything. If the game isn't already out by then.

Was there something else? Uh,...I don't think...oh right! The new trailer! Sorry. It's a walkthrough of how the 'free-flow' combat is going to work in the game, again narrated by game director Sefton Hill. And again, it is mind-bendingly awesome-looking. Enjoy.

4 reasons why 2009 is suddenly awesome.

Around this time of year, things are a bit slow when it comes to video games. No real huge releases and all the good stuff is usually saved for June or later. Well folks, take those expectations and shoot them in the face with a gun that shoots chainsaws. Just in the last couple of days, a few announcements have made the most jaded gamer jump for fucking joy again. Let's go through them right here, right now. Hold on to your hats...

1. Modern Warfare 2 has snowmobiles.

Let's face it: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare was fantastic. The team behind that game have finally revealed footage of their sequel. Modern Warfare 2 has dropped the Call Of Duty title in favour of branching out on their own. Whatever, it doesn't matter as long the game holds up.

Before you say "What the shit was that?" I'll explain. Yeah, it's basically a quick teaser for the trailer. Which is released on May 24th. During the NBA Basketball Finals. Yeah, pretty weird huh? But when we're talking about Modern Warfare 2, I'm willing to jump through a few strange hoops. Did you see the snowmobiles? SNOWMOBILES! LIKE DIE HARD 2 RIGHT?

2. Dragon Age: Origins has suddenly become incredibly interesting.

Hey, you know Bioware? The guys who made Knights Of The Old Republic and Mass Effect? Pretty good resume huh? Well, before they drop Mass Effect 2 on us, they've been working on a medieval RPG in the meantime called Dragon Age: Origins. Until now, it's been "Okay, that exists", but after this trailer, it's more like "Give Bioware some sort of award." Be warned, this trailer is a little...different.

3. Streetfighter IV is rather cheap this Thursday.

Released in February, the original gangsta of fighting games returned to rave reviews. Only problem is, every shop charged an arm and a leg for the thing. EB Games naturally whipped out the $120 price tag much to my disdain and I believed my chance to bust out a sweet HADOUKEN! would have to wait. But it seems Big W will come to the rescue. Starting on the 14th May, they're having a sale and selling a bunch of stuff on the cheap. Including SFIV for $88. Now, you may not think that's a very cheap price but...think about it. Thought about it? Good. Pretty cheap ain't it?

$88 for all this good stuff. Sold yet?

4. And oh yeah, they're officially making Thief 4.

Didn't see that coming did you? Eidos have officially announced that they are indeed working on the fourth installment of their legendary stealth-based adventure game. From the official press release:

"We're in the early development stages for Thief 4, but this is an incredibly ambitious and exciting project for Eidos," said Stephane D'Astous, General Manager at Eidos-Montreal. "While it's too early for us to offer any specific game details, right now we are focused on recruiting the very best talent to join the core team at the studio and help us make what we believe will be one of the most exciting games on the market."

Sounds good to me. Since I haven't played a Thief game since the second one, the time is ripe for Garrett The Pickpocket to return and show us how it's done. Come and reclaim your sneaking throne, Garrett. And by God, you better bring water arrows. There has been an INSANE amount of stealth based games flooding the market since the Thief series was successful and quite a few of them have been sub-standard.

SNORE.

Excited yet? In January, this year was looking to be a little lackluster compared to the legendary release schedule of 2008. But as the year progresses (and remember, we're nearly halfway through it already), the more amazing things get. Seriously, if none of the items above get your eyebrows raising, then you must not have a soul or something.

Pictured: You.

When it rains, it pours.

Well, just as I was lamenting the lack of Wild West games on the market, it seem 2009 is shaping up to be the YEAR OF THE WILD WEST GAME. In addition to Call Of Juarez: Bound In Blood, Rockstar Games have released a trailer for the sequel to their stab at the genre - the PS2 game Red Dead Revolver. Looks like they've changed a few things. You no longer play as Red and the environments look way more varied. That, and it's on a next-gen console. Which is all fine by me considering the first game had a few issues. It's called Red Dead Redemption, you play as a guy named John Marston and here's the goddamn trailer for it...

Mark me down as officially excited for this one.

Batman vs The Witcher (Batman wins)

Back in December, I reported on the RPG game The Witcher: Rise Of The White Wolf being in development.

For those who care, check it out: 

http://preparations4birth.blogspot.com/2008/12/4-more-awesome-upcoming-games-nobody.html

Unfortunately, the game's been cancelled. Well, 'suspended', according to the developers CD Projekt. Apparently the staff working on the game haven't been paid in about three months and as a result, the game has been 'put on hold', which basically means we'll never see it again.

"Have at you, developer wage entitlements!"

It's a shame. The original PC version is critically acclaimed like nothing else on the planet and the console port was shaping up to look exciting.

Now, for the other news. Batman: Arkham Asylum has been delayed. Before you blast your fist through the fucking internet, it looks to be only for about a month or two. Warner Bros Interactive and Eidos issued a joint statement that stated the game would be pushed back from the original late June release date to the 'end of summer'. Now that's the US summer of course, so here in Australia - maybe August. I'll keep a close eye on this story but the official press release said the cause of the delay was 'to ensure Batman: Arkham Asylum is of the highest quality for gamers'.

Fair enough I guess. Still annoying though, considering the potential awesomeness for this game.

"Jim, I've got to get in there and stop Joker's reign of terror!" "Just chill Bats, we've got a month or two yet."

How long is just too damn long?

Bear with me here. Think back through your life for a moment. You've no doubt engaged in countless entertaining activities in that time. Probably more than once. In fact, you've probably performed these activities enough to call them a hobby. Be it sport, painting, knitting or most anything else. Now take one of these activities and narrow it down to one particular item. Like, one painting or one knitted scarf. Now, think. How long did you do these activities for? Was it over 50 hours? No? Well, back the fuck up.

Hey Roger! When was your last 50 hour match? Yeah, thought so.

Recently, I was very relieved to place my copy of Fallout 3 back in my cupboard for good (at least a long while) after finally finishing it. After 50 hours. Starting off escaping Vault 101, I gripped my 10mm pistol and walked into the wasteland. Along the way I (deep breath) defused an atomic bomb, talked to robots, gave bottles of water to homeless people, decorated a house, shot over 1000 things in the face, built a rifle out of a crutch, traded motorcycle parts, counselled vampire cannibals, fired nuclear warheads at cockroaches, convinced children to run away from their alcoholic mothers, drank out of toilets, befriended a Super Mutant who was named after Guy Fawkes, slept in the Washington Monument, ate dog meat, walked hundreds of miles and listened to Ron Perlman say "War. War never changes." in that awesome voice of his. 

"Pardon me, are you Liam Neeson? No? Well then BLAP BLAP MOTHERFUCKER!"

Now, as incredible as the experience was, I have to admit towards the end it became taxing. I was simply wanting to wrap things up and finish the game after hour number 40. Little did I realise there were another 10 hours before me (and just so you know, people have played this game for more than 100 hours). So, does this place me in the 'hardcore gamer' category? I guess if it doesn't, nothing will huh?

But, I got to thinking. Can you have too much game? Games like Call Of Duty 4 and Portal can be finished in just a handful of hours but that doesn't make them worse than Fallout 3. So, does that make Fallout 3 bad? How can it be bad when I got over two days worth of gameplay out of a $99 game? Value for money right? And besides, this completion of Fallout 3 wasn't actually done in days. It took months. Who of us has the goddamn time to invest dozens of hours in a role-playing game anymore? Much as we'd like to, it just ain't practical anymore. 

I... I just...can't do this anymore...

I'm not sure. But one thing I do know is that I don't want to see any kind of Fallout game for a long fucking time after this. Downloadable content? No thanks. Fallout: New Vegas coming in 2010? Do not care. I am completely DRAINED. If I never see one more box of Abraxo Cleaner or a psychotic Raider saying "It's go time!" before shooting at me, it will be 100 trillion years too soon.

Batman:Arkham Asylum update #481

Yet another trailer has emerged for Batman: Arkham Asylum and it continues the awesome level of excitement that seems to be building for this release. The new trailer features more of the combat featured in the game by showing us just how Batman can punch the fuck out of dudes. 

Please take note of two things in this trailer below.

1. The cool way Batman's cape flows while fighting.

2. The amazingly canonical exchange between Bane and Batman at the end. Comic book geeks - prepare to punch the air with glee. I know I did. Well, not physically. In my mind. There was a little version of me in my mind that punched...look whatever, just watch the fucking thing.

June 19th (or 23rd) can't come quick enough, am I right?

UPDATE UPDATE: Oh shit. There's a rumour flying around that the game may be delayed. Apparently 'sources close to the game' spoke to the gaming magazine Game Informer and are starting to suggest it may be pushed back until the 'end of summer'. It's just a rumour at this point, a fucking horrible one, but a rumour nonetheless. I'll be keeping an eye on things.

Searching for the perfect Wild West game.

"Why, you yellow-bellied no-good do-gooder sumbitch. I thought I done told you never to set foot in this town again."

"Well, you thought wrong."

BLAM!

Now, I've just written that off the top of my head but damn, doesn't it portray something that we are all familiar with? And isn't it awesome? Ever since people like Clint Eastwood said a whole lot of nothing but spoke with his trigger finger, the western genre has intrigued me. Naturally, I've wanted to experience this in video game form. Over the years, there hasn't been too many stabs at the wild west game and even less worth mentioning. But that might be about to change.

The first recorded video game set in the time of gunslingers and undertakers was 1971's The Oregon Trail. Based on a real event, you play a wagon leader traveling from Missouri to Oregon, presumably dealing with challenging obstacles along the way. Apparently you can download it for your iPhone now.

Best use of the return key, ever.

Eastwood Excitement level: 

1985 though, was when the real shit started. The humble Commodore 64 unleashed Law Of the West. A simple yet insanely addictive game.

Seriously, what was the town planner thinking putting those two buildings together?

The player took the role of a lonely, maladjusted sheriff who stood in the street all day waiting for people to come talk to him. And deciding whether or not to shoot them. (The above picture was the only screen in the game, just with different text and enemies). You met bandits, doctors, whores, kids and other townsfolk who wanted to a little chat to their local lawman - unaware that said lawman could shoot them in the head before they even started talking. When you decided to end their unholy existence (apart from the doctor, he could heal your wounds), you pulled down on the joystick and then up to aim. An EXTREMELY volatile crosshair appeared and you had a short time to shoot.

Eastwood Excitement level:

The early nineties saw the release of an arcade game that ate untold numbers of coins from young boys' pockets: Sunset Riders. Up to four players could assume the role of bounty hunters to hunt down the most ruthless bastard outlaws around and shoot them dead. Couple that with fun cartoony art and Shinobi-style gameplay  and it entered the realm of legend.

Words to live by.

Later, Sunset Riders was ported to the Megadrive and Super Nintendo. But by then, nobody cared. Nobody meaning me.

Eastwood Excitement level:

Rockstar Games took a stab at the genre next with Red Dead Revolver on Playstation 2 in 2004. A pretty damn fine game but bordering on repetitive in certain parts. You play as Red, a dude whose parents were killed by outlaws and he vows to...blah, blah, blah.

And you could use two goddamn guns.

The action is nicely done but the characters and the setting is one-dimensional. On the whole a great game but only in short doses. After you watch a cut-scene, you shoot everything. Repeat. The end. Now, you may be wondering what else would you want from a wild west game? Well, bear with me here.

Eastwood Excitement level:

So, after all these valiant but no-quite-there attempts, you'd think I would have give up hope. Not so. A couple of years ago, Call Of Juarez was released on PC and later Xbox 360. What initially seemed brilliant in this game quickly became broken. There were a lot of things wrong that game - awful enemies, dodgy physics - but it has one inventive thing going for it, the story. Now a sequel has been announced: Call Of Juarez - Bound In Blood. It looks like the bomb. Hopefully, it will rectify all the problems of the first game and finally satisfy my needs. Fingers crossed, kids.

Eastwood Excitement Level:

This version of Batman will never look this good again.

Well, things seem to be shaping up amazingly well for the release of Batman: Arkham Asylum for PC, Xbox 360 and PS3. Rocksteady's dip into the legendary waters of this 70-year-old character is looking better and better. As previously reported on Preparations For Birth, the plot goes something like this:

- Batman brings Joker to Arkham

- Joker escapes and lets all the freaks loose

- Batman has to deal with said freaks

- Batman then presumably punches the fuck out of Joker

Simple, yet genius. The first real meaty look at the game came a little while back at the Game Developer's Conference in San Francisco that took place in March. One of the game directors walks us through the 'Invisible Predator' gameplay of the game. Basically, that means what Batman can see and how he can punch the fuck out of it. For those of you who may have missed it, look below. For those of you who have seen it, check this out anyway because this is the better, extended cut of the video...

Pretty sweet huh? So, do you want this game like right now this second? I'll bet. But wait, there's more. Over the last week or so, they've released a couple of villian trailers which are very interesting. The first features Bane. This guy is rather important in the Batman universe as A) he is one of the smartest and cunning villians ever, and B) he broke Batman's back in the early nineties. Whether we will see Batman's spine twinge in the game when they meet is something we'll have to wait for. In the meantime, check it...

Also loose in the madhouse is Joker's on-again off-again insane girlfriend Harley Quinn. I've never totally been convinced by this character but I can see potential here. She's mad as a cut snake and hopefully that will amount to some disturbing shit rather than a lot of pointless giggling. According to this trailer, it looks like the former...

June, if you're wondering. I cannot confirm the exact date (some say the 19th, others say the 23rd) but mid-year is definitely the time this game is set to hit the shelves.

But holy shit, does this game look the goods. I have no choice in the matter - I am forced to get my hopes up. If this game fails, then so be it. But the thing you have to remember is, there will be no Batman game that looks this good prior to release ever again. Keep that in mind folks. Keep it in mind while we wait for this potential masterpiece. See, there goes those high hopes again. What a naive fool I am. I swear, Eidos and Rocksteady, that if you fail me you will rue this day. I will...I'll...well I don't know exactly. If the game sucks I'll probably dress up as Batman and sit outside your house. Failing that, a stern email will sent. That's right, you heard me! EMAIL!

Behold my new god.

Saw: The Video Game...uh-huh.

Even though there are several pieces of evidence to the contrary, game developers and movie studios still believe they are welcome bedfellows. Despite 99.9 percent of their collaborations being unwatchable train wrecks, they continue to churn out video games based on movies year after year. Be it Shrek, High School Musical or any number of Vin Diesel turds, it is glaringly apparent video games based on movies are a BAD idea. The Warriors, of course, being the only exception.

 Eat brick, motherfucker.

Despite this below average track record, they'll never stop removing the soul of a video game and replacing with whatever-the-kids-are-into-that-year. This theory explains why they thought casting Jean-Claude Van Damme in a movie based a game about two dudes punching each other was box-office gold.

So the latest attempt at this cash-cow is...the Saw movies. Oh dear me. First of all, you may be thinking that a game based on the Saw franchise could be alright. Well, let me in on a little secret. No it won't. It will be crap. It will (if it actually is released) be boring, stupid and pointless. Exactly how many times would you play it? ONCE AND ONCE ONLY. Why? Because once you figure out the traps, the game is then rendered useless. Regardless of all that, the game itself will be a poorly designed collection of mini-games. 

Basically this, but with syringe pits.

The developers have already shown demo gameplay around, featuring 'press-this-button-now-to-escape-the-trap' style sections of the game. If that is the majority of the game, then I'm sure they'll be people lining up around the block on the October 09 release day to be bored out of their fucking minds.

Now, don't get me wrong here. I thoroughly enjoyed the first Saw movie. The dude from Princess Bride sawing his own foot off? Sign me up. Saw 2 however was a bit stupid and after watching one of the New Kids On The Block whinge throughout the entire film, I never ventured further into the Saw canon for fear of wasting my hard-earned coin. That said, the second film was a brilliant piece of cinema when compared to the unbelievably stupid Hostel movies that somehow turned horrific gore-laden scenes into badly acted snorefests. But I digress.

Despite your own opinion, you are wrong. A good game could not in any way be produced with the Saw license. Just accept it now and thank me later this year for saving you ninety bucks.

Jigsaw: "I want to play a game." Me: "So do I, you know of any good ones? AWW YEAH THAT'S RIGHT JIGSAW I WENT THERE! GIMME FIVE UP TOP! BOOMSHAKALA!"

Witness the emotive power of Private William Hudson.

A few of you (okay maybe one) may remember my mention of Aliens: Colonial Marines, an potentially awesome looking game set for release this year or next on Xbox 360 and PS3. It sounds incredible. The squad-based first-person shooter (not unlike the sublime Rainbow Six Vegas series) is set directly after the film Alien3, in which a bunch of marines perform a dangerous search-and-rescue operation of the USS Sulaco, the ship featured in the second film. 

Investigating the ship for Ripley, Corporal Hicks and other survivors of the incidents of planet LV-426, the marines naturally come across some shit. Warriors, Scouts and of course, the Queen will all make an appearance. Perhaps the most exciting feature is that the game will have NO heads-up-display (HUD) adding to the immersion in a way that has only really been touched on by last year's brilliant Dead Space. Right, got all that? Well, there's been some hiccups.

Hudson is somewhat concerned.

But let's back up a bit. In 2001, Electronic Arts announced a Playstation 2 game to be released entitled Aliens: Colonial Marines. And then promptly shitcanned it before release.

Hudson is angry.

In 2008, Gearbox Software and Sega (yes, that Sega) announced a totally different game entitled Aliens: Colonial Marines that would apparently blow your head off with its awesomeness. They even hired a concept artist named Syd Mead, who actually worked on the James Cameron 1986 masterpiece.

Hudson is pleased.

 In November of last year, game developer Obsidian cancelled their planned Aliens RPG game. Or according to Sega, 'indefinitely suspended'. Details of whether this game was connected in any way to Aliens: Colonial Marines were sketchy at best.

Hudson is angry.

Well, that's all we've heard. Until now, UK game magazine Powerstation teased at their next issue recently with this strangely underplayed bombshell...

Squint and look at the bottom-right corner...

So what does this mean? Is the game coming out this year? Next year? When can I get my hands of this gut-punchingly good game? What kind of marketing department has Sega got nowadays? Is this the company who wheels out Sonic the Hedgehog's bloated corpse every fucking year for yet another disappointingly underdeveloped adventure that nobody likes? But give them an awesome license like the Aliens franchise and what do they do? They vaguely announce that it may still exist and if it does, we're working on it. What kind of company is this? Have they digressed from a financial powerhouse in the 90s to some kind of rabble only responding to base desires for food and shelter much like the Macra from Doctor Who? (obscure esoteric reference specifically targeted at R. Alcock). 

What's their problem? Do we jump up and down with glee? Or do we wait patiently to see just how badly this game is going to disintegrate before ever seeing the light of day? If everything was fine and things were going ahead as planned, don't you think they would just hold a press conference and say "Yeah that's right motherfuckers! We're making the definitive Aliens game and it's gonna rock! You may as well get out your wallets right now! Wooo!". 

I remain wary and unconvinced.

Hudson is, like me, unsure as to what to make of this information.

Are the kids alright? Do I care?

As you get older, you inevitably lose touch with young people. Even using the phrase 'young people' is evidence enough that you're over the hill. On top of that, if you've caught yourself looking at teenagers and thinking 'What's up with those denim shorts?" or "Fucking little pricks need some fucking national service! That'd sort 'em out!", then you're either out of touch with them or just insane.

Kids make no sense to me nowadays. They're running around in Dunlop Volleys and using the word 'rad'. That combination alone is enough to make the entire universe implode with decade-colliding impossibilities so just trying to figure them out is a colossal exercise in futility. But recently, I've looked through a window into their souls via the wonderful medium of video games.

This is Skate 2 for Xbox 360. It's great. Playing as an ex-convict, you get released from jail and set to take back your city by way of being an fucking awesome skateboarder. So far, I've stormed back by appearing on the cover of two magazines, bought a couple of local parks to help underprivileged skaters have a place to bust out their skills and generally been regarded as one hardcore motherfucker by everyone in town. I'm now brimming with knowledge about skateboarding that I would have otherwise disregarded. Ollies, grinds, kickflips and the highly enjoyable Christ-air manoeuvre are all part of my bag of tricks at the moment.

"The fucking awesome Christ-air move..."

"...is second nature to me now."

So I got to thinking. With this knowledge, could I pass myself off in front of teenagers? Busting out terms like 'Frontside Grab' and 'Beanplant', would I appear down with them? Or would I simply appear as a stammering loser who just strings together outdated terms like a moron?

I'm not sure. And do I even give a shit? As far as I can see, teenagers and myself have very different views of how they appear to people.

How the world sees teenagers

How teenagers see themselves

It's an interesting query. Am I being too harsh? Are teenagers today more receptive to the older generation? Either way, I'm not going to bother to actually find out. I've got some skating to do.

BOOMSHAKALAKA!

Batman + video games = awesome?

One of the first games I ever owned was Batman: Caped Crusader for the Commodore 64. It was an odd little game, placing you in control of Batman and going up against such villians as the Penguin and Joker.

Batman is punching the Penguin in the fucking throat. Every young child's dream.

At the time (the late 80s), it was incredible. Looking back though, the game was a turd. Crap combat and controls, shitty graphics and next to nothing in terms of story. But when you are 12 years old, none of that matters. 

Years later, I was still searching for a Batman video game experience. The Nintendo Gamecube came close, with Batman: Vengeance, based on the animated series.

Batman is about to punch this dude in the face. Hey, he knew the risks when he was hired by a guy with green hair.

It was pretty good. Lots of entertaining sections filled with action-packed moments. Jumping away from explosions, driving in the Batmobile and plenty of gadgets. But still, things weren't perfect. Something just wasn't...right. 

Ever since the dark knight entered the world of video games, there has been garbage. Naturally, everything based on any of the films has been shithouse so there's no respite in that department. I'd pretty much given up hope on being able to control Batman's actions in any fulfilling fashion.

Until now.

CHECK. THIS. OUT.

Yeah.

Did you see that shit? Huh? Huh?

Now, I've discussed this game a little on this blog before. But thanks to this trailer, Batman: Arkham Asylum has shot to the top of my wishlist for 2009. And those of you with a keen ear may have recognised the voices in that trailer. Mark Hamill is back as the Clown Prince Of Crime and more importantly, the most fucking awesome Batman voice of all time, Kevin Conroy is lending his talents to this game.

As you can probably tell, I'm looking forward to this one. It looks to have a variety of combat and sneaking which is fine by me. As long as I get to punch the bejesus out of dudes while vowing on the grave of my parents to rid the city of the evil that took their lives.

Fuck yeah.

Wadsworth & Me: We Got A Special Kind Of Something

It's about 8:30 in the morning and my left leg has been crippled. Perhaps from a bullet or two, maybe an exploding nearby car - I'm not really sure. The sun is slowly cementing itself in the morning sky, rising over the scrap metal town of Megaton. The town where I live. I'm outside my house and hurting bad. My humble abode is a two-storey metal box that no doubt gets as hot as hell in the midday sun but since I can't feel temperatures, that's only a guess. I've spent all night out in the Capital Wasteland. A stark, barren landscape of burnt trees, crumbling bridges and ravenous beasts.

After killing a few Raiders (nomadic scum who live solely to steal and murder) in the ruins of a building, I've collected enough bottle caps from lockers and cupboards to make my financial situation a little less dire and hopefully I can repair one or two of my weapons. The hunting rifle especially needs work. Bottle caps serve as money around here since cash-money no longer serves any purpose.I unlock my front door and step inside the front room and there he is. Loyal, patient as always. Wadsworth.

"Sir? I do believe you are injured! Might I suggest you seek medical attention immediately?" he exclaims in a mildly troubled voice. Wadsworth is my robot butler. He came with the house. Lucas Simms, the sheriff of Megaton, handed me the keys to the house after I kindly defused the unexploded atomic bomb that sat in the middle of town. I found Wadsworth waiting for me when I first inspected the place. He levitates around my house thanks to some small propulsion jets installed in his undercarriage. His large orange eye greets me as I stumble in and I take his advice. I do indeed need medical attention. I thank Wadsworth and limp up the stairs to my bedroom. A small single-size bed is all I can afford and the mattress looks filthy but its home.

I sleep. For eight hours.

Magically, my left leg has healed while I slept. That's just the perks of being able to slowly regain health I suppose. I climb out of bed, eager to spend my bottle caps but then I realise the time. It's 6:30pm. Moira's shop will probably be closed. I decide to walk downstairs and prepare to check anyway. Wadsworth is busying himself in the main room.

He turns and floats over to me.

"Good evening sir! What can I do for you?"

I greet him with as much exuberance as he does me. The house, while mine, is frankly a dump. There's furniture available to spruce it up, but at the moment, all those items are out of my price range. So, that in mind, Wadsworth is the only ray of light in this place. I fear I may hang myself in my bathroom if it weren't for his constant companionship. I ask him to tell me a joke. He is only too happy to oblige as he has many.

"Certainly sir! One electron was talking to another and said 'I've lost something' and the other said 'Are you sure?'. To which the first electron replied 'I'm positive!'" I laugh out loud. The joke is actually funny. The punchline heightened by Wadsworth's upper-class accent.

Wadsworth has given me haircuts in the past. He also has a seemingly endless supply of bottles of Purified Water. A commodity which is extremely valuable around here since all the water out of the tap is contaminated by radiation. You can drink it, but too much gives you radiation sickness.

I check my storage locker as Wadsworth floats upstairs. I grab a bunch of things I can sell at Moira's shop. Motorcycle brakes, vacuum cleaner parts and even a few bullets from a 10mm pistol I no longer use. When I'm ready to go, I move towards the door. Somehow, even from upstairs, Wadsworth senses my imminent departure.

"Be sure to take care of yourself sir!" he says.

I will, Wadsworth. I plan to laugh at plenty more of your jokes before anything happens to me. I exit my house and night has fallen. The sporadic light bulbs scattered around the town of Megaton light my way towards the shop. Hopefully, Moira hasn't closed for the day. That way, I can get my hunting rifle fixed and continue to survive out there in the wasteland. I wouldn't want to disappoint Wadsworth.

4 MORE awesome upcoming games nobody seems to know about.

Continuing this series of posts, it's fascinating to note just how many potentially brilliant games are currently on the boil.

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If you missed the first lot, check here: http://preparations4birth.blogspot.com/2008/11/4-awesome-upcoming-games-youve-never.html

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As I stated before, I'm not positive about these games, just that they have the promise to be incredible. But they might be rubbish when released. So don't give me any shit. Read on...

THE WITCHER: RISE OF THE WHITE WOLF (XBOX 360, PS3)

Sunlight effects + water ripple effects = awesome

Last year's critically acclaimed RPG The Witcher is now coming to consoles. You play as Geralt, a travelling sword-for-hire. Morality comes into play heavily with this one, but more in the interesting grey area of choices rather than the predictable black and white consequences that has been seen in so many other games recently.

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Yes, it is a port of a PC game and the hardcore PC crowd is already shouting 'dumbing down!' but since the developers are making this with an entirely different engine and combat system, it could be one to watch.

Have at you, PC gamer fucks!

Released: Fall (whenever the hell that is) 2009

DARK VOID (XBOX 360, PS3, PC)

Pictured: The Bermuda Triangle (presumably)

A combat pilot named Will disappears into the Bermuda Triangle and reappears in a parallel universe. And then kicks that universe's arse with big fucking guns. This game is shaping up to be amazing. It's a mixture of on-foot and mid-air combat, with vertical cover implemented as you climb on massive structures to find your way back home.

That's right, shooting at a UFO with a goddamn pistol

Apparently, you can go all Rocketeer in this one with hoverpacks and jetpacks and even at some point hijack a UFO. Sounds good to me. From all reports it sounds like it's a mix between Crimson Skies and Metroid Prime and Gears of War. FUCK YES. And did I mention it's being developed by CAPCOM?

Here check these eight minutes of it - http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=voBMevkkDuo

Around the five and a half minute mark, things start to get truly awesome.

Released: May 2009

NINJA BLADE (Xbox 360)

With possibly the most generic name in years, Ninja Blade looks promising. Set in modern day Tokyo, teams of ninjas (!) jump from helicopters (!) to defend the city from colossal mutants (!) that threaten to destroy every living thing in existence. DO YOU NEED ANY MORE CONVINCING?

If you think that this game...

...is anything but than the best thing ever...

...you sir, have a shard of ice where you heart should be.

L.A. NOIRE (PS3, maybe XBOX 360 & PC)

"So, we got a stiff huh? Well, where's the nearest coloured guy, he musta done it, see? Case closed."

Itching for a bit of 1940s detective action? Course you are. Well, so has everyone else since 2007. This game has suffered long delays but the developer has said recently that L.A. Noire is in its 'final phase'. Whatever that means.

Check this official trailer: http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=8fdXJlxd7kw

Described as a murder mystery action-puzzle game, it's set in a perfect recreation of 1940s Los Angeles. Frankly, it's been a long while since there's been a good detective/mystery game and this one could fill the gap. Developed by Rockstar (yes, that Rockstar), I've got my hopes up for this potentially great game.

Hopefully, Hartfields is filled with smoky jazz trios, sultry dames and plenty of whiskey.

Released: Well, they say 'fiscal 2009', so that could mean anything. Also, it was announced as PS3-only but now even that decision has become fuzzy at best.