RPGs are funny old things.

What is it with role-playing games? Why do they envelope us so? In the video game world, RPGs have been around since the dawn of...well...video games and I imagine they will be around long after we all turn to dust. But what makes them so appealing and/or hated?

I'm trying to figure this out at the moment. Is it the chance to play a character in a incredibly in-depth fashion? Designing everything from how awesome they can fight in battle to how rakish an angle they place their hat? Probably. That said, how much of it can we handle? Do we really need 30+ types of facial hair? Surely beard, moustache or clean-shaven is the limit that we require. I mean, do we really spend much time looking at the facial hair of our character anyway?

A handlebar moustache on an Asian dude? Talk about science-fiction.

Long answer, no with an if. Short answer, yes with a but. I have found myself concentrating on such trivial matters many a time. When I first played Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, it took me hours to decide just how much yellow/blue tone my Wood Elf would have in his face. But by the time I actually started tackling quests, I couldn't give less of a fuck. So was it a waste of time? Yes? Then why do we think it necessary to begin with?

Here's the dilemma that brought this on. Since finishing Fallout 3 (50 long hours of it), I never again wanted to build up my charisma or upgrade weapons in a game for months. Possibly years. I'd had my fair share of the Capital Wasteland and never wanted to see another burnt out house in my lifetime.

Do. Not. Care. 

All I wanted was simplicity. Either chainsawing the faces off Locusts in Gears of War 2 or triple-dragon-punching the shit out of Zangief in Super Streetfighter 2 HD Remix sounded like just the ticket. But then I caught a glimpse of another game in my library.

Oh no. Oh Christ, no I can't...please...

When I played it last year, Fable 2 was great. Since finishing it though, I've thought more and more that I may have rushed it a bit. I suspected I may have run around chopping bandits up a little hastily, overlooking some of the intricacies of the game. So like a glutton who loves that goddamn punishment, I fired it up just to see if it looked as good as I remember. After only about 30 minutes of play, I realised how amazing it was in the first place and now have resolved to restart it with a brand new character and check out every nook and cranny that the world of Albion has to offer.

Now, why would I do this to myself? Why on earth have I reached my limit of levelling up in Fallout 3 but quite prepared to rent out houses and improve my physique in Fable 2? Is it just because they are different games? Do the exhaustive trappings of RPGs not matter anymore when they are presented differently? Well, I'm going to finish Fable 2 again, so I'll let you know if I find out...

My new Fable 2 character will look something like this.

How long is just too damn long?

Bear with me here. Think back through your life for a moment. You've no doubt engaged in countless entertaining activities in that time. Probably more than once. In fact, you've probably performed these activities enough to call them a hobby. Be it sport, painting, knitting or most anything else. Now take one of these activities and narrow it down to one particular item. Like, one painting or one knitted scarf. Now, think. How long did you do these activities for? Was it over 50 hours? No? Well, back the fuck up.

Hey Roger! When was your last 50 hour match? Yeah, thought so.

Recently, I was very relieved to place my copy of Fallout 3 back in my cupboard for good (at least a long while) after finally finishing it. After 50 hours. Starting off escaping Vault 101, I gripped my 10mm pistol and walked into the wasteland. Along the way I (deep breath) defused an atomic bomb, talked to robots, gave bottles of water to homeless people, decorated a house, shot over 1000 things in the face, built a rifle out of a crutch, traded motorcycle parts, counselled vampire cannibals, fired nuclear warheads at cockroaches, convinced children to run away from their alcoholic mothers, drank out of toilets, befriended a Super Mutant who was named after Guy Fawkes, slept in the Washington Monument, ate dog meat, walked hundreds of miles and listened to Ron Perlman say "War. War never changes." in that awesome voice of his. 

"Pardon me, are you Liam Neeson? No? Well then BLAP BLAP MOTHERFUCKER!"

Now, as incredible as the experience was, I have to admit towards the end it became taxing. I was simply wanting to wrap things up and finish the game after hour number 40. Little did I realise there were another 10 hours before me (and just so you know, people have played this game for more than 100 hours). So, does this place me in the 'hardcore gamer' category? I guess if it doesn't, nothing will huh?

But, I got to thinking. Can you have too much game? Games like Call Of Duty 4 and Portal can be finished in just a handful of hours but that doesn't make them worse than Fallout 3. So, does that make Fallout 3 bad? How can it be bad when I got over two days worth of gameplay out of a $99 game? Value for money right? And besides, this completion of Fallout 3 wasn't actually done in days. It took months. Who of us has the goddamn time to invest dozens of hours in a role-playing game anymore? Much as we'd like to, it just ain't practical anymore. 

I... I just...can't do this anymore...

I'm not sure. But one thing I do know is that I don't want to see any kind of Fallout game for a long fucking time after this. Downloadable content? No thanks. Fallout: New Vegas coming in 2010? Do not care. I am completely DRAINED. If I never see one more box of Abraxo Cleaner or a psychotic Raider saying "It's go time!" before shooting at me, it will be 100 trillion years too soon.