6 things that need to happen at E3.

Separate to spewing forth the OH SNAP! moments coming out of this year's Entertainment Expo, I also have selfish desires for certain things to be announced at E3. Some are plausible, others not so much. Either way, video games will be a better thing overall if these announcements come out in the next week or so.

1. Sony NEEDS to do...something.

Do you remember back to just before the launch of the Playstation 3? Ken Kutaragi, the then CEO of Sony Computer Entertainment said his goal for the console was for "consumers to think to themselves 'I will work more hours to buy one'. We want people to feel that they want it, irrespective of anything else". In today's economic climate, that statement retrospectively places Kutaragi one notch below Hitler on the scale of evil bastards.

Practically a genocidal maniac.

Well, guess what? In the general consensus, Sony is still kind of viewed that way by continually refusing to officially cut the price of the Ps3. Seriously, what the hell are you doing Sony? If you don't announce a significant price cut or the much-rumoured Ps3 Slim at this year's E3, it would finally reveal Satan to be the silent partner of your company. And you wouldn't want that out of the bag would you?

2. Alan Wake NEEDS a concrete release date.

Around the time of the Game Developer's Conference in March of this year, Remedy Entertainment hinted at a big Alan Wake announcement to be presented at E3. If this doesn't happen, you may as well kiss this potentially incredible game goodbye. The psychological thriller was first announced in TWO THOUSAND AND FIVE for Christ's sake. Can you even remember back that far?

I'm pretty sure the game was announced on this day.

Remedy Entertainment better come up with the goods in June. Otherwise, Alan Wake will fall into the sad development hell only occupied by Duke Nukem Forever. And people will cease to care for the rest of time.

3. Hideo Kojima's announcement NEEDS to break people's minds.

Kojima currently has a teaser website up and running and features a countdown clock that everybody seems to be talking about.  http://www.konami.jp/kojima_pro/next/index.html

Even though I believe a upgraded version of Metal Gear Solid 4 or a brand new Metal Gear Solid 5 would be awesome, Hideo Kojima needs to bring something more unpredictable to the table. The mind behind the Metal Gear series is obviously a brilliant genius but in order for him to stay relevant and remain an exciting spearhead for innovation in the video game industry, he needs to yet again think outside the box.

Kojima's next: Nick Nolte - The Game.

You have to remember, this is the guy who wanted to design a game where if the player died, the only way to continue was to buy another copy of the game. This announcement needs to be that insane. The industry is long overdue for an injection of Kojima insanity in that style. Either that, or the big number '5' on his teaser site indicates that there are five more Metal Gear games currently in development. 

4. Activision and Harmonix NEED to announce a psychiatric care program for their customers.

Hey, did you know that Guitar Hero: Aerosmith generated more money for the band Aerosmith than any studio album ever released by the band Aerosmith? Even despite awful reviews for the game? That's a pretty good indication that the makers of both Guitar Hero and Rock Band aren't going to stop annually releasing versions of their biggest cash cows anytime soon. 

"I enjoyed taking your money, population of the Earth."

But in light of the fact that they are both unleashing proper looks at Guitar Hero 5 and The Beatles: Rock Band at E3, both developers need to realise that some time in the next eighteen months, people will snap and suffer from nervous breakdowns when they suddenly discover they have 4-6 plastic drum kits in their house. If Activision and Harmonix don't want to be portrayed as the heartless bastards, they need to be ready and waiting to care for the kids around the world that start involuntarily screaming while playing some 30 Seconds To Mars song.

5. Microsoft NEED to do something substantial with the 360 avatars or kill them off.

Look, I love my avatar. He wears a breezy tropical shirt and waves at me when I click the analogue stick. But to be honest, I wouldn't lose any sleep if Microsoft suddenly put a bullet in his head. And unless they use the avatars for something more than Kingdom For Keflings and Uno Rush, then that is exactly what needs to happen. Simply standing on the main 360 menu, blankly staring into space, is not a viable enough use of this technology. Do something with them now, Microsoft. How about bonus achievement-related clothing? More interesting avatar games? The ability to see your avatar pop on screen and say TOASTY! when you do an awesome uppercut in Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3? Anything that doesn't involve spewing out more terrible, terrible avatar shoes.

6. Nintendo NEED to announce Wii Fit 2.

Because hey hardcore gamers, that would be pretty funny huh?

OH SNAP! Part Two.

In the past few years, the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) has dwindled on the world stage. Once, the show that commanded crowds upward of 70,000 has been scaled back in recent years to accommodate more of the dedicated gaming press and less of the 'Wooo! Rad!' MTV-type arseholes. Apparently.

This year's show has generated a lot of buzz in the last few months and as such, people are expecting a lot of big announcements from the Los Angeles Convention Centre. The kind that make your head explode with awesomeness reminiscent of that dude from Scanners.

"Oh my God! Gameplay footage for ALAN WAKE? BOOM!"

Two games that will no doubt will turn the LA Convention Centre into a brain-painted bloodbath are as follows.

OH SNAP! Modern Warfare 2 goes to Rio, de Janeiro.

The NBA finals finally spat out one of the most anticipated trailers of the year. Bristling with all new locales, shady people and awesome face-stabbing, make sure to hold on to your hats for this one.

NOVEMBERNOVEMBERNOVEMBEROHYESNOVEMBER.

OH SNAP! Batman can grab plants out of the air like a badass.

Dr. Pamela Isley has finally made an appearance in a new trailer for Batman: Arkham Asylum. While the trailer itself isn't all that amazing (Poison Ivy can control plants and stuff), what really sticks out from every piece of media leading up to this game is just how pissed-off Bruce Wayne seems to be. It certainly looks as if he ain't messing around.

To be honest, there's good news and bad news when it comes to E3. The good news is they is going to be an incredible amount of great games being shown. I'll try my best to cover all of them in the coming days. But here's the bad news. Pretty much all of these games are coming out in the fourth quarter of 2009 (known in the business as 'Q4'). So unless, you're some uber-rich nutcase with a crazy amount of time on your hands, you'll be lining up these purchases on your calendar for quite some time.

OH SNAP! Part One.

For those of you who regularly read this blog (hey dude, I'm going to call you this weekend), you'd no doubt realise it has evolved somewhat. While I've skewed into talking about video games, it's never really been a news site. Just a place for my mind to pour out on the subject of something awesome like video games.

Well, fuck that! Over the next few weeks, exciting video game news will be spewing forth from the Electronic Entertainment Expo (E3) in Los Angeles taking place from June 2-4 and I cannot help but report on some of the happenings from this event. Because mark my words, there are going to be some jump-up-and-down type stuff coming out of it. And I'm so damn excited I will not be able to restrain myself.

These posts reporting on these news stories will be part of my OH SNAP! series of stories. Mainly because it's a catchy title and the upcoming announcements will most likely make you want to yell OH SNAP! Okay, I will be the only one saying OH SNAP! but if anyone wants to join me in an OH SNAP! then that would be fine. So that works, huh?

Already there has been some rumours and speculation flying around. Some true, some implied. Let's get a handle on the first round of snaps...

OH SNAP! Mass Effect 2 will be the Empire Strikes Back of the series.

Bioware producer Casey Hudson talked recently about the sequel to the best space-opera-RPG-ever-made which is scheduled to make a major appearance at E3. As it turns out, shit is going to go down. "As a trilogy we have our three acts. So Mass Effect 2 is the dark act. It's an opportunity to really explore the tougher, more brutal parts of the universe." In addition, Hudson teased at the complete story arc for the series..."In the first act you put a guy in the tree, in the second act you throw rocks at him, in the third act you get him down."  Hmm, take from that what you want. Also, there's been a video released explaining a few things and preluding what they will be showing at E3. Check it...

OH SNAP! Secret Of Monkey Island could be coming to Xbox Live Arcade.

Holy Christ, you didn't see this one coming did you? Legendary 1990 point-and-click adventure Secret Of Monkey Island  has long been called for to be readily available for the mass public of 2009. And even though bringing it to Microsoft's download service was always a pipe dream of mine (seeing that classic stuff on HDTV and all that), I never thought in a billion years Lucasarts would ever do it. Now, it's leaning to towards actually happening. A listing for SECRET OF MONKEY ISLAND SPECIAL EDITION FOR XBOX 360 has been found on the German Ratings Board, which is apparently a reliable source. But if we'll find out any more information, it will be closer to June.

Stay tuned to here for further snaps, kids...

Going bat-shit crazy yet?

Yet another trailer has been released for Batman: Arkham Asylum (I think that makes six or seven) and naturally, Preparations For Birth will report it. But the more pressing issue seems to be the Australian release date. Since Eidos and Rocksteady delayed it to 'late summer', an actual day and date had been hard to pin down. I've done a bit of research so let's go through the list:

The game's official website (http://www.batmanarkhamasylum.com) - Has nothing. Either the release date is not there or hidden somewhere in the forums. And I'm not shovelling through that shit.

EB Games Australia (http://www.ebgames.com.au)  - These bastards can never be trusted but their list has TBC 2009. So add ignorance to sleaziness and BOOM, you have Australia's biggest game retailer.

GAME (http://www.game.com.au) - Relatively new weirdo retailer GAME (always all caps) had the game listed as 30th June 2009. Starting to get a little confused here, huh?

Gametraders (http://www.gametraders.com.au/#game?ID=29954) - These guys have the game listed at a much earlier date of 1st June 2009. That's like, a couple of weeks away folks.

EB Games New Zealand (http://www.ebgames.co.nz) - In Middle Earth, things are a little more pessimistic. They have the game coming out on the 30th August 2009.

To summarize, what the fucking holy hell is going on? What exactly is 'late summer' anyway? That's the American summer, mind you, so who knows when that ends. Maybe it ends when they shoot it dead and then mount it above their televisions. I don't know.

Another thing to take note of is the collector's edition. In addition to a copy of the game for either Xbox 360 or PS3, you also get:

Waynetech Batarang Storage Box

14" In-Game Design Batarang (stand attached).

Dr. Young’s Journal (50 page full color character encyclopedia)

2 Sleeve DIGI-Pack Including:

- Game

- Behind the scenes 5 chapter series DVD, including: interviews with Mark Hammil    and Kevin Conroy.

Exclusive Collector’s Edition Challenge Map DLC.

Manual.

And it's 150 fucking dollars.

This game is shaping up to be the next big purchase on the games calendar. It will probably have a big presence at the Los Angeles E3 Expo in June, so we will probably have to wait until then to get confirmation of anything. If the game isn't already out by then.

Was there something else? Uh,...I don't think...oh right! The new trailer! Sorry. It's a walkthrough of how the 'free-flow' combat is going to work in the game, again narrated by game director Sefton Hill. And again, it is mind-bendingly awesome-looking. Enjoy.

Pardon me, EB Games? HADOUKEN!

In the heady days of the eighties and nineties, video games may have been an incredibly fun element in people's lives but they were nothing compared to the entertainment powerhouse they are today. Just last week, Nintendo released their earnings for the last fiscal year and it turns out they earned 1.83 TRILLION YEN.

A Nintendo employee, heating his house.

Just so you know, that works out to about 25 billion Australian dollars. Making money is as natural to Nintendo as breathing oxygen and choking hookers is to us. With that in mind, games retailers have also gone from happy-fun-time locations that sell us tangible objects of joy to dark recesses of despair; their only existence maintained by the constant chewing on our bank accounts to keep them alive. Yes I am squarely looking at you, EB Games. For a few years now, your prices and the general way you conduct business has grown more and more abhorrent. 

Think back, people. Do you actually remember when the price tag on your video games started showing a figure of over one hundred dollars? One hundred and twenty? I remember the first time I saw that ridiculous price was plastered on the cover of a few games in 2007. It may have been in place before then, but it is the first time I ever thought "Good Christ, is that correct?". 

Their pre-owned pricing system is even worse. Games that are purchased at a price of $119.95 that people sell back to EB, are then placed back on the shelf. For five dollars less. Yes, right at this very moment on their website, it states that if you buy Streetfighter IV for $119.95 and then trade it in (usually for around $60), they will resell that dirty, used copy to the public for the crazy, low, low price of...$114.95. How many trading customers took a moment to actually stop and say "Uh, did you just rob me?".

An EB Games employee, relaxing on a weekend.

But am I wrong to lash out at them? Am I a hypocrite when I complain about their used games when I'll happily buy a pre-owned copy of Okami for $30 that very same day? I'm not sure........wait a minute. Of course I'm sure. Any shop that purposefully maintains the sale of two year old games (Call Of Duty 4) at current ridiculous prices ($109.95) deserves to burn in hell with rapists and dudes who flamboyantly play Guitar Hero: Metallica.

Back to my original point. After paying a meagre $88.00 for my copy of Streetfighter IV at Big W, I felt slightly more cheerful about the world of video games. So next time I walk past an EB sign that states ...NINTENDO DSI CONSOLE FOR ONLY $125 (when you trade DS Lite console and 8 thousand DS games, including all the awesome ones because we ain't gonna give you dollar one for those shitty Shrek kart racer turds), a spring in my step will surely be close behind.

"Oooooh EB Gaaaaames, Streetfighter is awesome, EB Gaaaaames! No thanks to you, you heartless opportunistic fucking bastards, EB Gaaaaaames!"

4 reasons why 2009 is suddenly awesome.

Around this time of year, things are a bit slow when it comes to video games. No real huge releases and all the good stuff is usually saved for June or later. Well folks, take those expectations and shoot them in the face with a gun that shoots chainsaws. Just in the last couple of days, a few announcements have made the most jaded gamer jump for fucking joy again. Let's go through them right here, right now. Hold on to your hats...

1. Modern Warfare 2 has snowmobiles.

Let's face it: Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare was fantastic. The team behind that game have finally revealed footage of their sequel. Modern Warfare 2 has dropped the Call Of Duty title in favour of branching out on their own. Whatever, it doesn't matter as long the game holds up.

Before you say "What the shit was that?" I'll explain. Yeah, it's basically a quick teaser for the trailer. Which is released on May 24th. During the NBA Basketball Finals. Yeah, pretty weird huh? But when we're talking about Modern Warfare 2, I'm willing to jump through a few strange hoops. Did you see the snowmobiles? SNOWMOBILES! LIKE DIE HARD 2 RIGHT?

2. Dragon Age: Origins has suddenly become incredibly interesting.

Hey, you know Bioware? The guys who made Knights Of The Old Republic and Mass Effect? Pretty good resume huh? Well, before they drop Mass Effect 2 on us, they've been working on a medieval RPG in the meantime called Dragon Age: Origins. Until now, it's been "Okay, that exists", but after this trailer, it's more like "Give Bioware some sort of award." Be warned, this trailer is a little...different.

3. Streetfighter IV is rather cheap this Thursday.

Released in February, the original gangsta of fighting games returned to rave reviews. Only problem is, every shop charged an arm and a leg for the thing. EB Games naturally whipped out the $120 price tag much to my disdain and I believed my chance to bust out a sweet HADOUKEN! would have to wait. But it seems Big W will come to the rescue. Starting on the 14th May, they're having a sale and selling a bunch of stuff on the cheap. Including SFIV for $88. Now, you may not think that's a very cheap price but...think about it. Thought about it? Good. Pretty cheap ain't it?

$88 for all this good stuff. Sold yet?

4. And oh yeah, they're officially making Thief 4.

Didn't see that coming did you? Eidos have officially announced that they are indeed working on the fourth installment of their legendary stealth-based adventure game. From the official press release:

"We're in the early development stages for Thief 4, but this is an incredibly ambitious and exciting project for Eidos," said Stephane D'Astous, General Manager at Eidos-Montreal. "While it's too early for us to offer any specific game details, right now we are focused on recruiting the very best talent to join the core team at the studio and help us make what we believe will be one of the most exciting games on the market."

Sounds good to me. Since I haven't played a Thief game since the second one, the time is ripe for Garrett The Pickpocket to return and show us how it's done. Come and reclaim your sneaking throne, Garrett. And by God, you better bring water arrows. There has been an INSANE amount of stealth based games flooding the market since the Thief series was successful and quite a few of them have been sub-standard.

SNORE.

Excited yet? In January, this year was looking to be a little lackluster compared to the legendary release schedule of 2008. But as the year progresses (and remember, we're nearly halfway through it already), the more amazing things get. Seriously, if none of the items above get your eyebrows raising, then you must not have a soul or something.

Pictured: You.

RPGs are funny old things.

What is it with role-playing games? Why do they envelope us so? In the video game world, RPGs have been around since the dawn of...well...video games and I imagine they will be around long after we all turn to dust. But what makes them so appealing and/or hated?

I'm trying to figure this out at the moment. Is it the chance to play a character in a incredibly in-depth fashion? Designing everything from how awesome they can fight in battle to how rakish an angle they place their hat? Probably. That said, how much of it can we handle? Do we really need 30+ types of facial hair? Surely beard, moustache or clean-shaven is the limit that we require. I mean, do we really spend much time looking at the facial hair of our character anyway?

A handlebar moustache on an Asian dude? Talk about science-fiction.

Long answer, no with an if. Short answer, yes with a but. I have found myself concentrating on such trivial matters many a time. When I first played Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, it took me hours to decide just how much yellow/blue tone my Wood Elf would have in his face. But by the time I actually started tackling quests, I couldn't give less of a fuck. So was it a waste of time? Yes? Then why do we think it necessary to begin with?

Here's the dilemma that brought this on. Since finishing Fallout 3 (50 long hours of it), I never again wanted to build up my charisma or upgrade weapons in a game for months. Possibly years. I'd had my fair share of the Capital Wasteland and never wanted to see another burnt out house in my lifetime.

Do. Not. Care. 

All I wanted was simplicity. Either chainsawing the faces off Locusts in Gears of War 2 or triple-dragon-punching the shit out of Zangief in Super Streetfighter 2 HD Remix sounded like just the ticket. But then I caught a glimpse of another game in my library.

Oh no. Oh Christ, no I can't...please...

When I played it last year, Fable 2 was great. Since finishing it though, I've thought more and more that I may have rushed it a bit. I suspected I may have run around chopping bandits up a little hastily, overlooking some of the intricacies of the game. So like a glutton who loves that goddamn punishment, I fired it up just to see if it looked as good as I remember. After only about 30 minutes of play, I realised how amazing it was in the first place and now have resolved to restart it with a brand new character and check out every nook and cranny that the world of Albion has to offer.

Now, why would I do this to myself? Why on earth have I reached my limit of levelling up in Fallout 3 but quite prepared to rent out houses and improve my physique in Fable 2? Is it just because they are different games? Do the exhaustive trappings of RPGs not matter anymore when they are presented differently? Well, I'm going to finish Fable 2 again, so I'll let you know if I find out...

My new Fable 2 character will look something like this.

When it rains, it pours.

Well, just as I was lamenting the lack of Wild West games on the market, it seem 2009 is shaping up to be the YEAR OF THE WILD WEST GAME. In addition to Call Of Juarez: Bound In Blood, Rockstar Games have released a trailer for the sequel to their stab at the genre - the PS2 game Red Dead Revolver. Looks like they've changed a few things. You no longer play as Red and the environments look way more varied. That, and it's on a next-gen console. Which is all fine by me considering the first game had a few issues. It's called Red Dead Redemption, you play as a guy named John Marston and here's the goddamn trailer for it...

Mark me down as officially excited for this one.

Batman vs The Witcher (Batman wins)

Back in December, I reported on the RPG game The Witcher: Rise Of The White Wolf being in development.

For those who care, check it out: 

http://preparations4birth.blogspot.com/2008/12/4-more-awesome-upcoming-games-nobody.html

Unfortunately, the game's been cancelled. Well, 'suspended', according to the developers CD Projekt. Apparently the staff working on the game haven't been paid in about three months and as a result, the game has been 'put on hold', which basically means we'll never see it again.

"Have at you, developer wage entitlements!"

It's a shame. The original PC version is critically acclaimed like nothing else on the planet and the console port was shaping up to look exciting.

Now, for the other news. Batman: Arkham Asylum has been delayed. Before you blast your fist through the fucking internet, it looks to be only for about a month or two. Warner Bros Interactive and Eidos issued a joint statement that stated the game would be pushed back from the original late June release date to the 'end of summer'. Now that's the US summer of course, so here in Australia - maybe August. I'll keep a close eye on this story but the official press release said the cause of the delay was 'to ensure Batman: Arkham Asylum is of the highest quality for gamers'.

Fair enough I guess. Still annoying though, considering the potential awesomeness for this game.

"Jim, I've got to get in there and stop Joker's reign of terror!" "Just chill Bats, we've got a month or two yet."

How long is just too damn long?

Bear with me here. Think back through your life for a moment. You've no doubt engaged in countless entertaining activities in that time. Probably more than once. In fact, you've probably performed these activities enough to call them a hobby. Be it sport, painting, knitting or most anything else. Now take one of these activities and narrow it down to one particular item. Like, one painting or one knitted scarf. Now, think. How long did you do these activities for? Was it over 50 hours? No? Well, back the fuck up.

Hey Roger! When was your last 50 hour match? Yeah, thought so.

Recently, I was very relieved to place my copy of Fallout 3 back in my cupboard for good (at least a long while) after finally finishing it. After 50 hours. Starting off escaping Vault 101, I gripped my 10mm pistol and walked into the wasteland. Along the way I (deep breath) defused an atomic bomb, talked to robots, gave bottles of water to homeless people, decorated a house, shot over 1000 things in the face, built a rifle out of a crutch, traded motorcycle parts, counselled vampire cannibals, fired nuclear warheads at cockroaches, convinced children to run away from their alcoholic mothers, drank out of toilets, befriended a Super Mutant who was named after Guy Fawkes, slept in the Washington Monument, ate dog meat, walked hundreds of miles and listened to Ron Perlman say "War. War never changes." in that awesome voice of his. 

"Pardon me, are you Liam Neeson? No? Well then BLAP BLAP MOTHERFUCKER!"

Now, as incredible as the experience was, I have to admit towards the end it became taxing. I was simply wanting to wrap things up and finish the game after hour number 40. Little did I realise there were another 10 hours before me (and just so you know, people have played this game for more than 100 hours). So, does this place me in the 'hardcore gamer' category? I guess if it doesn't, nothing will huh?

But, I got to thinking. Can you have too much game? Games like Call Of Duty 4 and Portal can be finished in just a handful of hours but that doesn't make them worse than Fallout 3. So, does that make Fallout 3 bad? How can it be bad when I got over two days worth of gameplay out of a $99 game? Value for money right? And besides, this completion of Fallout 3 wasn't actually done in days. It took months. Who of us has the goddamn time to invest dozens of hours in a role-playing game anymore? Much as we'd like to, it just ain't practical anymore. 

I... I just...can't do this anymore...

I'm not sure. But one thing I do know is that I don't want to see any kind of Fallout game for a long fucking time after this. Downloadable content? No thanks. Fallout: New Vegas coming in 2010? Do not care. I am completely DRAINED. If I never see one more box of Abraxo Cleaner or a psychotic Raider saying "It's go time!" before shooting at me, it will be 100 trillion years too soon.

Batman:Arkham Asylum update #481

Yet another trailer has emerged for Batman: Arkham Asylum and it continues the awesome level of excitement that seems to be building for this release. The new trailer features more of the combat featured in the game by showing us just how Batman can punch the fuck out of dudes. 

Please take note of two things in this trailer below.

1. The cool way Batman's cape flows while fighting.

2. The amazingly canonical exchange between Bane and Batman at the end. Comic book geeks - prepare to punch the air with glee. I know I did. Well, not physically. In my mind. There was a little version of me in my mind that punched...look whatever, just watch the fucking thing.

June 19th (or 23rd) can't come quick enough, am I right?

UPDATE UPDATE: Oh shit. There's a rumour flying around that the game may be delayed. Apparently 'sources close to the game' spoke to the gaming magazine Game Informer and are starting to suggest it may be pushed back until the 'end of summer'. It's just a rumour at this point, a fucking horrible one, but a rumour nonetheless. I'll be keeping an eye on things.