Okay, so in these times of cloned sheep and space tourism, it must look pretty amazing how far the human race has progressed to someone born in the 1940s. On the other hand, for someone born in the 1970s, the year 2008 is somewhat disappointing.
Whatever do I mean you ask? I'll show you.
In this picture, we have a typical modern-day street. With its lush green grass, healthy trees and familiar wheelie-bins, it should be a perfect representation of the success of our species and a nice little piece of land to call our own. Correct?
Actually, not correct. Way not correct. And here's why:
This picture is a more factual rendering of where we should be as a species by the early 21st century. Yes, I am aware this photo represents 2019, but we should be well on our way by now to changing our landscape to suit this much more fulfilling lifestyle. Below are few more examples of what we are (regrettably) and what we should be.
EMPLOYMENT - What your workplace should look like.
HOUSING - What your home and neighbourhood should look like.
TRANSPORTATION - What your car should look like.
So what can done? Your goals need to be reached within the next eleven years to make the deadline of November 2019. Well, here are a few beginner ideas to get you back on the right track.
First things first, if you're living in a two-storey weatherboard house in the burbs then this ain't going to work. Immediately sell the house and move into the city. Preferably, a run down shitty block of apartments that occasionally sports a chalk body outline on the cement. Sell all your possessions and go out and buy the following items.
- A long durable coat.
- Square whiskey glasses.
- A voice-activated super computer which controls everything in your apartment. From lighting to entertainment to toiletries.
ONLY LEAVE YOUR BUILDING AT NIGHT OR DURING RAINSTORMS.
First off, we need to get the atmosphere right. This transformation can't be a success if its sunny and warm outside. Shadows are your best friend. Skulk in alleyways and hunch while walking. Do not follow any lonely women - this will only be trouble and attract the attention of the police.
GO TO CHINATOWN TO EAT EVERY MEAL.
This futuristic landscape is not going to mesh if you're standing in a food court waiting for your burger and fries. From now on, breakfast lunch and dinner will be noodle-based. You should always sit down to eat, rather than takeaway. Preferably in a tiny restaurant filled with non-English speaking staff yelling at each other the whole time.
WHEN AT HOME, DRINK WHISKEY CONSTANTLY AND STARE AT OLD PHOTOS.
When you're not prowling the late-night streets, you should be killing time until the next night. This will involve all the curtains drawn and a lot of introspection about some sort of tragedy in your life by way of dusty polaroids. Also play jazz music, preferably Miles Davis.
Obviously, you need to take it a few steps further e.g. guns, girls and police captains. But with these simple changes, you should be well on your way to reaching the goal of living in a dank, non-English speaking cyberpunk sci-fi landscape.