Just thought I'd drop you a quick line to let you know how I'm getting on in the afterlife. Well for starters, Holy Shit did I make the right choice! Look at what has gone down since 1994. I thought that fucking up the planet had been done to death when I shuffled off that mortal coil, but obviously I underestimated you assholes. Not that really cared about any of that while I was around but Christ, talk about idiots.
Things are good. There's no such thing as heroin here but such human needs have been prohibited so I had to get used to it (although the occasional hit wouldn't go astray when Chris Farley stops me in the hallway. No coke or hookers here either, much to his dismay).
I'm glad to see kids nowadays still wearing my face on their t-shirts. Yes, I hated all that crap when I was around but let's face it - my picture on a t-shirt? That rocks!
Anyway, I should get to the real reason I wrote this letter.
What the hell happened? This is how you three end up after I'm gone? Jesus!