Monday, September 22, 2008

Casual gamers: Your final boss.

I'm sure you've seen them.

They come in all shapes and sizes. All ages. They could be your niece, your cousin or your grandfather. They are The Casual Gamer. As a result of the massive success of the Nintendo Wii & DS, video games have suddenly become extremely accessible. Which should mean good things to come. It should mean that video games are embraced by the public, welcomed into mainstream popularity with a colossal fanfare and out of the doldrums of controversy forever.

Well, guess what? Take those not unreasonable dreams and flush them down the fucking toilet. And then blow the fucking toilet up with explosives. Because these people will possibly bring about the death of decent video games.

Total pricks.

With Grandma & Grandpa now wishing for a Wii-mote in their Christmas stocking instead of slippers, game developers are obviously going to realise which side of their bread is buttered on. And that butter consists of a shitload of money.

Instead of games made with care, storylines, decent gameplay & longevity, the trend today is towards the instant gratification. Wii Sports, Brain Age, Cooking Mama, Carnival Games and a whole slew of others are starting to spread out in the gaming community like a virus. A virus that bores the shit out people who have any imagination whatsoever.

Worse than Ebola.

We're in trouble folks. Classic games like Zelda, Resident Evil, Mass Effect and Final Fantasy will become a thing of the past. A relic of an ancient era, something for your kids to point at and ask 'Mummy, what's a Solid Snake?'.

Games like Wii Bowling are fine. If you're drunk at a party. Other than that, you should be looking for more than just a disposable five-minute experience. More than just a 'Wow, the guy's arm kind of moves at the same time as my arm' type feeling. I'm not saying every game has to be a 100 hour role-playing game that takes 25 minutes for you to travel by horse from town to town. But we don't want everything designed for toddlers and pensioners either. Keep your eyes peeled and watch out for these people. They will be your downfall.

Fuck off.

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