Tuesday, November 3, 2009

There's wrong and there's wrong and then there's this.

For those regular readers of this blog, you will no doubt be aware of my low opinion of shovelware-type games made for sub-normal morons such as the Imagine series from Ubisoft.

A publisher from Italy is one such culprit. 505 Games, based in Milan, have slapped their names on a bunch of crap in the past. They are rumoured to be involved in developing a game based on Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps. This game detailed below however, is closer to their modus operandi. And before you ask, I've actually seen this thing in shops.

Fighting Angels for the PS2. 'Catfighters' scratching each others eyes out. Quotes from the back of the box include: "Watch the Sexy Gauge rise and when it hits the top, unleash the Sexy Dance!" and "Unlock new outfits when you complete the game several times!".

Here's a closer look at this piece of shit.

Anyway, for this game alone, 505 Games should be sent straight to hell but it seems they want to anger me even more before they start to taste sulphur. Next month sees the release of Baby And Me, a brand new game for the Wii. And only Australia gets the pleasure of the special edition of the game - which comes with a fucking baby.

The standard 'wrong' edition.

The special 'Oh Jesus, fucking kill it!' edition.

That's right folks. Take your Wii remote and attach it to this doll. No more shitty Mario Kart steering wheel for you Australia! You and you alone are the only country in the world to get this awesomely terrifying special edition bonus. Features include (I'm not joking here):

Your baby reacts by giggling, gurgling or crying through the Wii remote
Ten Baby Mode games including feed baby & send baby to sleep
Eight Play Mode games including rattle, catch, clap & balloons
Balance Board support: rock baby to sleep, burp baby, teach baby to walk
Customise baby with new clothes, accessories and playrooms

So then, 505 games, are you happy with yourself? Do you spout off this evil in meetings and then go kiss your children with the same mouth? Every time you look at that baby peripheral, I bet somewhere in the back of your mind, you want to bring it fresh humans for sustenance don't you?

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