Sunday, August 2, 2009

Reclaiming the world of Sega.

As a young lad in the early-nineties, I was one of many kids who fell under the spell of a hedgehog named Sonic. At the time, the only way to partake in his speedy, attitude-laden adventures was to get yourself a Sega Megadrive (known as a Sega Genesis in North America). After Sonic's many outings became repetitive (and boy, did they), the system had an abundance of incredible titles left in it's library and I couldn't get enough.

Sega were obviously some cheeky bitches back in those days.

Foolishly, I gave away my Megadrive to a friend and never saw it again. I invested myself pretty heavily in PC gaming at that point and for some unknown reason, thought it was rational to offload one of the best video game systems of all time. What a moron.

Anyway, as Cypress Hill once said, what go around come around. I have recently come into possession of a second generation system called the Megadrive 2.

Here she is. I've got one of those sweet controllers too.

But there's been a stumbling block. In this modern time of HD-TVs and such, cables can be a problem. Instead of simply plugging it in and getting on with the job, things are a little more complicated. I completely forgot about the system's weird hook-up. It's not just a simple cable, it's got this fucking switchbox monstrosity thing in the middle of it.

Oooh, you bastard.

As I said, it's a switchbox, so there's switch on it. Also, there's an AV cable to go into the back of the TV. And I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT IN THE NAME OF CHRIST TO DO. I try and try and keep coming up something other than trumps. The Megadrive works (the second generation machines had a power indicator light on them) but I just can't get a signal through to the TV.

I have checked on the internet to some extent and it seems I'm not the only person in the world with this problem. Poor clueless pricks implore people to help them on technology/game forums all over the web but the general response to their pleas has been something along the lines of "Maybe u shuld get a old TV eh? LOL!!!!".

Your typical internet forum user.

So fuck you old technology - I refuse to be defeated by your mysterious ways. I will conquer you. Mark my words. And before you know it, I'll be using you to achieve great happiness in the form of...

This is Desert Strike. You play as a helicopter pilot who recovers fuel barrels and shoots the fuck out of people in the Gulf.

This is NBA Jam. You play basketball and dunk the fuck out of the net as the announcer shouts BOOMSHAKALAKA! to indicate how awesome you are.

This is Road Rash 2. You race motorbikes and punch the fuck out of other riders and even cops. Which is what I'll do to this Megadrive if I can't hook it up properly.

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