In a world gone mad, it all depends on one man.

Earlier this year, I made a few posts detailing my little ordeal in ordering a uncensored copy of Grand Theft Auto IV from the UK. I did this because of outdated classification laws in this country. It felt great to circumvent these ridiculous laws and I ended up with the correct version of an awesome game. Recently, it seemed these laws were starting to loosen. After the banning of four games in this country in 2008, people were starting to get their blood up about this issue and I was led to believe things were beginning to change. How wrong I was.

In order for these laws for to be even considered to be changed, all of Australia's Attorneys General have to agree that there is a problem to begin with. All of them do.

With one exception. South Australian Attorney General Michael Atkinson refuses to budge on changing these laws. Apparently, that's all it takes. One man disagrees and we have a standoff. Just incredible.

Cheers to censorship and no sense of the world around you.

In the last week, the day was drawing near for official discussion on the subject to take place. But Atkinson has refused to even talk about discussing the possibility of changing these laws.

So naturally, I blew up. I never write to government departments etc. but I felt the need to add myself to the community that is being affected by these draconian laws. The following email was sent to various Premier's offices, Cabinet Ministers, Councils etc. Oh, and Atkinson's office too.

To whom it may concern

South Australian Attorney General Michael Atkinson has recently withdrawn his support for a discussion paper regarding a R18+ classification rating for computer/video games and as a result made the report unavailable to the public. Essentially, after enforcing the censorship of video games in this country, Michael Atkinson has censored any discussion of censorship.

Let me repeat that: Michael Atkinson has censored discussion of censorship. He refuses to even talk about the issue. This email has been sent to his office, but it is doubtful anyone in his office will even read up to this line.

Subsequently, this outdated but bafflingly powerful viewpoint has made headlines across the country and the world.

The Age in Melbourne

http://blogs.theage.com.au/screenplay/archives/010915.html

The Entertainment Consumer Association in the US

http://www.gamepolitics.com/2008/10/30/australian-govt-one-guy-blocking-badly-needed-r18-rating

Eurogamer Network Ltd in the UK

http://www.gamesindustry.biz/articles/aussie-public-videogames-ratings-discussion-on-hold

And a host of others...

News.com.au

http://www.news.com.au/technology/story/0,25642,24575896-5014239,00.html

Sydney Morning Herald

http://www.smh.com.au/news/digital-life/games/articles/playing-a-rating-game/2008/10/28/1224956035024.html

Adelaide Now

http://www.news.com.au/adelaidenow/story/0,22606,24559193-5006301,00.html

Considering a study recently undertaken by the Bond University has discovered the average age of a Australian video gamer is 30 and over 90% of Australians thinks there should be an R rating for games (http://au.gamespot.com/features/6199970/index.html) , this archaic action by Michael Atkinson seems outrageous.

Australia is the ONLY developed nation in the world not to have this rating. Not only do we not have this rating but we have a government designed so that a single man can block this law.

Please, whoever reads this - pass this on.

1) The average Australian video gamer is at the age of 30.

2) An R18+ rating will actually protect the welfare of Australian children, not the other way around as Michael Atkinson believes.

3) The average Australian gamer (at age 30) will continue to purchase uncut copies of games from overseas until this R rating is put in place. A practice that is not only damaging our video games industry but our economy as well.

Please, somebody please do something. Anything to try and reverse what is happening here.

Now, obviously it's just an email. But hey, I'm doing something. I have yet to receive an actual response from any department but when I do, this blog will be the first to know.

The sound of hope shattering (maybe)

You know those moments of immense disappointment? Those sporadic instances when something you have been waiting to see for what seems to be an eternity is suddenly taken away or broken? Yeah, you know what I mean.

Well, one of those moments might be about to happen. The key word here is might. There is an ugly rumour flying around the internet at the moment. An ugly rumour involving WATCHMEN. The rumour is that the movie will possibly have a different ending to the comic.

The 'official' rumour is as follows:

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Watchmen fans were thrown into a tailspin over the weekend when fans reporting in from the film’s first test screening in Portland carried out with them shocking news. In the version they saw, Zack Snyder had changed the ending of the comic. Word on the street was that Zack Snyder had removed the Watchmen ending in which Ozymandias fakes an alien attack, replacing it with one in which Ozymandias tricks Dr. Manhattan into nuking the planet.

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For those of you who haven't read it...go do so. Now. Okay, read it? Good. The ending features the slaughter of millions of New York citizens by a retired superhero because he believes the mass-murder (which he engineers to be blamed on a alien life-form, which is fake) will galvanise the world's population into not entering into global thermonuclear war. Which the US and Russia are on the brink of doing all throughout the story of Watchmen. Pretty horrible and shocking right?

Too shocking, according to Hollywood. If we are to believe this rumour, the studios are now responsible for the deletion of the alien life-form, in favour of a more box-office friendly Dark Knight-type ending, where a hero sacrifices himself for the good of the planet. Or is tricked. Or does it willingly. I don't fucking know. Whatever.

All I know is it's a mistake. In the comic, the other heroes are forced to keep quiet about who is responsible for the slaughter in order for the world not to revert to its nuclear bomb-happy and God-fearing state and to possibly see it become a utopia of sorts. One even kills another when he objects. Not really a safe, complete ending is it? Yeah, you know what else it isn't? FUCKING BORING.

The only rational explanation is this: Hollywood studio executive types believe the alien ending to be too 'out there' and are much more happy with nuclear explosions. Possibly because they are scared of deadshits named Scotty or Jase exiting the cinema and calling their friends to report "Nah, don't go see that shit. It's got this stupid alien ending that is unlike anything I've ever seen and thus questions my sexuality if I recommend it." So, movie studios are quite happy with nuclear explosions rendered by a blue naked dude that immediately contradicts the entire story but have problems with entrusting fully-rounded adult human beings with an ending that makes you think.

Too weird, possibly gay.

This is fine.

For those of you that don't really get what I'm talking about, let me make it plain.

Director Zack Snyder has decided to make a film version of one of the most respected and thought-provoking comics of all time. He has decided to be so faithful to the comic itself, the lengths he has gone to are incredible. Case in point, this picture:

If the ending is indeed changed, it would be as if Zack Snyder decided to build a model aircraft carrier, right down to the smallest detail - even including the little safety guys on the deck of the ship who guide the planes in with those table tennis bats. And then when it's finished, he paints the whole thing bright pink. As a good friend of mine recently pointed out, why do it in the first place?

I'll have to wait and see if this rumour is true. If it is, I'll have to place Zack Snyder into my hatred file alongside Joel Schumacher. And believe me, Mr Snyder, that's a bad place to be.

A young gamer's life guide: Part 3

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A young gamer's life guide: Part 2

In this series, we're (when I say we, I mean me) discussing how to correctly raise your beloved child on the wonderful medium of video games. From simple platformers to intense first-person shooters, this guide will force your child to thank you for the rest of his maladjusted life.

The Second Game (ages 4-8)

Street Fighter II (1991)

HADOUKEN!!! (You will get to know this word)

Now, before you start waving your arms around in protest, this is a cartoon. There's no blood, gore, excess violence or anything untoward in this awesome fighting game. Just a bunch of unrealistically proportioned global stereotypes smacking the shit out of each other with unrealistically proportioned fighting moves. In a word, magic.

In a worldwide fighting tournament where anything is possible , your child will progress through the ranks of fisticuffs (and er...footicuffs) to gradually reach the final battle against tournament organiser and villian M.Bison (who, despite making his home in Thailand, looks about as Thai as Jerry Seinfeld).

Hand-eye coordination is the key skill here. In order for your child to succeed, they will want to improve on their ability to time their attacks & defenses so they can win and generally feel like a hard bastard. Which is what they will crave the second they start playing.

On right - legend. On left - potential pedophile.

Also for the first time, your child will be forced to choose a character to portray. This will prove to be a valuable insight into your child's psyche at this young age. There is no need to influence their choice, just wait, see and react accordingly.

RYU OR KEN: This is fine. Your child wants to hedge his bets and play the percentages. And they will generally succeed. Thumbs up.

GUILE: Your child already has been exposed to the US of A through thousand of television hours, and this choice is a result of that. Blind patriotic optimism will drive your child's decision for the rest of their days. Beware and try to guide them back to normalcy.

BLANKA OR DHALSIM: This is interesting. Your child is experimenting, which naturally should be encouraged. They wish to test unknown waters so their future life could lean towards ground-breaking science or perhaps an emerging artist. Or maybe a serial killer who eats faces.

CHUN-LI: Your child is female.

ZANGIEF: Immediately stop what you are doing and berate your child for hours on how being a loser is not the way to live your life. Otherwise, they will fail at everything they do and end up being that middle-aged drunk who makes people laugh at parties but is universally pitied and reviled.

Overall, this game will help your child immeasurably while they have bags of fun at the same time. As an added bonus, you can play with them and raise their self-esteem by allowing them to kick your arse.

Where to get it: Hold off for now. By the end of the year, the game's original developers, Capcom, will be releasing a new and improved High-Definition version of Street Fighter II over Xbox Live Arcade (yes, so get an Xbox 360) and it looks just amazing. Other than that, you can jump on to eBay and buy an old Super Nintendo or Sega Megadrive and then get the original game cartridge. And if you manage that feat, then you deserve a pat on the back because your are officially an AWESOME PARENT. It's also available on Game Boy Advance.